This is not how imagined my life would be....
My kid is hurt and there is nothing I could do change what happened. Every morning I get up angry at myself for not knowing better, for not protecting you, for not taking care of you, for not figuring this out sooner, for being so god damn blind, for ruining your life... of all the things I am or I though I was this was the one thing I thought I was the best at, turned out this was the thing that I sucked at the most. My perception of everyone I know has changed, my perception of myself has changed. I have just one feeling left within - ANGER. Every other feeling inside me has died.
There are days I just want to disappear, there are days its hard to even fake a smile, there are days when I can't look you in the eyes any more, there are days when I don't call you anymore cos it reminds me of what a giant failure I have been.
I am sorry...you have no idea how sorry I am for what happened... I am trying to forget or pretend I have forgotten like you but I can't.
I know it may seem that I am trying to control you but all I want to do is protect you and help you heal. Everything has changed. I don't trust anyone to take care of you anymore. I am scared to even let you out of my sight.
I know that I cannot prevent every bad thing from happening but I don't care - I'll try my best to make sure they don't happen anyways. Thats what I am supposed to do. Yes it is my job, if not me then who else.
My kid is hurt and there is nothing I could do change what happened. Every morning I get up angry at myself for not knowing better, for not protecting you, for not taking care of you, for not figuring this out sooner, for being so god damn blind, for ruining your life... of all the things I am or I though I was this was the one thing I thought I was the best at, turned out this was the thing that I sucked at the most. My perception of everyone I know has changed, my perception of myself has changed. I have just one feeling left within - ANGER. Every other feeling inside me has died.
There are days I just want to disappear, there are days its hard to even fake a smile, there are days when I can't look you in the eyes any more, there are days when I don't call you anymore cos it reminds me of what a giant failure I have been.
I am sorry...you have no idea how sorry I am for what happened... I am trying to forget or pretend I have forgotten like you but I can't.
I know it may seem that I am trying to control you but all I want to do is protect you and help you heal. Everything has changed. I don't trust anyone to take care of you anymore. I am scared to even let you out of my sight.
I know that I cannot prevent every bad thing from happening but I don't care - I'll try my best to make sure they don't happen anyways. Thats what I am supposed to do. Yes it is my job, if not me then who else.
