My Happy Ending:)

Wow I am kinda feelin nervous writing this blog maybe cos its always tough saying goodbye. I by the way stink at goodbyes. Anyways I have realized that its time now to move on to bigger and better things in life and by that I mean a better blogging platform (LOL!). So I am doin it, I am makin a move to the best that there is. I hav absolutely luved writing here cos honestly this is by far the best way to vent or even save ur memories (I luv reading stuff I wrote ages bak). A part of me soo does not want to do this but I have to cos I have to. So this is it. But then every story needs an ending rite……so for all of u wondering wat happened well. ………I found my next challenge and its gonna be the toughest one so far and as usual I am shit scared. I am always shit scared when I decide to do sumthing big but then that is also the reason why I choose to do it……And no my story does not end with she met a guy, fell in luv and they lived happily ever after………cos well every1 has their own version of wat they’d want in their happy ending, turns out that’s not wat I want. In my defense I tried;-P Its tough tryin 2 force urself to fall in luv with sum1 and hats off to those who are successful at it……I am afraid I am not one of them. Also I did sumthing super stupid and sooo unlike me but I did it cos well every1 has their moments of weakness ok. I was hopin that it wud help me get closure…did I get it? hmmmmm, good question;-P Wat the hell does closure mean anyways…its just a crappy word and how do u know u got it? It not like a postcard that u receive in ur mail u know……Its so abstract and u just hav 2 assume u got it like I did. Moving on, today I am at peace and I hope that stays cos that is all we seek in life to have peace of mind and the hope that sumday ur heart can be as pure and innocent as it was the day u were born. I think now when I pray to god the thing that I pray for is the ability to forgive and forget those who did me wrong and I wish that I never loose humility and appreciation for everything that I have. I don’t know when this happened but I realized after ages I can be silly again without the fear of being vulnerable. Your trust is the most valuable thing you give to a person and you can only hope that he or she values it. I think I am a work in progress, we all need to change things about ourselves but awareness isn’t enuf if u aren’t really doin anything about it. I hope I am a better human being when I am ready to start a family cos I wud not be able to bring a child up knowing he or she deserves a better parent. I just recently realized how hard it is being a women. Cos being a women means giving unconditionally, it means thinking about every1 else but urself, it means having ten hands to so that u can go to work, feed ur child, make dinner, do the dishes, do the laundry, be a good partner, be a good mother and BE FUN!! I don’t know how women do it, I mean u seriously have to have super powers to have that kind of energy. So this ones my salute to all the loving women out there who work so hard to raise a family (Ya I know this a super feminist ending but then did u expect anything different from me)

So amazing how this world was made
I wonder if GOD is a woman
The gift of life astounds me till this day
I give it up for the woman
She's the constant wind that fills my sail
Oh that woman
With her smile and her style,my
She'll protect like a child
That's a woman

She'll put a smile upon your face
And take you to that higher place
So don't you under estimate
The strength of a woman
The strength of a woman

Woke up this morning
I got up with the scent of a woman
Just picture if you could what life would be
Ain't much good without a woman
She can nag and be a constant pain
Oh that woman
But those hips she's got me whipped
And it's just to hard to resist
What a woman

Tender lips that's so so sweet
Gentle words she softly speaks
Such an angel when we need
GOD bless the ground beneath her feet
She can take you on a high
Be your comfort when you cry
But if you look into her eyes
You'll see the strength of a woman
Strength of a woman

This is a picture of the house I live in, u see that yellow thingy on the post box it has my name on it and everyday when I cum bak from work all tired and I see my name there I feel a sense of accomplishment that cannot be described in words......



That's it for now Adios amigos, until we meet again :)

NOT a High School Musical....

So this friend of mine said that my last blog made him kinda sad which is the last thing he needs rite now. So I am gonna try to make sure this one isn’t. But I am warning u this blog mite sound like its cum rite out of sum High School movie and honestly I wish this was sum High school movie and not my life! Sumtimes I feel everything thats happens to me is like stuff rite out of a movie, I mean I am filmy but seriously God. Ok now back to the story...

So I live in this super cute town (I’ll upload pics on my Photography blog) like 20 mins from New York and its close to two major Universities around. We mostly have Spanish families and students livin around here .... So a couple of months back (Yes we are gonna go in flashback again) I attended an event for Indian Students at the university my roommates study in. Ok I have to be honest here I went cos of all the food we’d get for $ 5. So we are standing in line for the buffet and all of a sudden I realize too many people are looking at me. You know that feeling that every1’s starin at you all at once. Ok so this is sumthin that my brother told me -that all Indian guys in the US are super desperate, as soon as a new girl cums around they all just pounce cos the girls are kinda out numbered by the guys. So anyways we hav our dinner and then there’s a DJ. Ok I don’t want to brag but I’d say I am a pretty decent dancer. ……So anyways this kinda Geeky friend (no offense to any1, hell I am a geek myself) of my roommates who I had met b4 cums up to me and tells me that his friends keep telling him he’s such a loser he’ll never get a girl. I kinda felt bad for the guy so well when he asked me to dance with him I said SURE. Anyways long story short we danced the night away and the next thing u know this guy is getting favors from a ton a guys who wanna find out who the hell was the girl in the denim jacket. We have been hanging out since then and he’s a good friend now. I just found out this guys has been using all the footage he’s been gettin do to wat not and putin up pics of us together on social networkin sites which by the way is very creepy if I mite add. I on the other hand was completely unaware of this situation and wud end up doin the friendly flirty thing with him all in jest ok just to make him feel good about himself. Which I am now realizing this kid took seriously AND (yes there's an and) he had also planned to take me around the university with him when he stood for sum student body election (ya like my presence can get u votes). I really don’t wanna hurt this kid, its not like I have a zillion friends here. But this entire episode has made things awkward. I am too old for all this I really I am …also been there done that. I don’t wanna deal with stuff like this rite now. I am 25 on the verge of gettin married….. I don't need all this High school crap......if that wasn't enuf I hav been invited to weird college parties cos apparently my presence will ensure it’s a hit. Pls tell me this is a joke! I even went to one before I realized wat the hell is happening.... I am seriously too old for all this childishness…for the luv of God I hav grey hair and wrinkles now, its soo not gonna happen. I know he’s a good kid and he just got carried away and maybe sum where I am to be blamed as well but I hav no clue how to deal with this & get things bak to normal again.

I read this sumwhere today and I felt like I had to share it..

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident."

Ok so this super cool thing has happened and I am dyin to share it with people cos things like these don't happen often, atleast not to me. So my company is sending me to take these classes organized by Google on Google Analytics. I know its a super geeky thing to say but FINALLY my dream of studin in the US is gonna be a reality. And I know nobody really cares but I am super excited about this!!!! SO the hell with u all;-P

By the way I just wanna let u know that facebook is the new Shaadi.com.....just the other day my dad asked me to accept sum1's friend request and change my profile picture.....LOL!!!!!

My baby guddu's cumin this weekend and I am ecstatic, I feel joy in the purest form:)

I have planned tons of things for her, I want this to be the best month of her life. And I am feelin sad already thinkin that she'll leave in the end...Ok thats it for now, kinda exhausted. I miss Neha:(

The best days of my life:)

This blog has been long overdue and if I don't write it now I am not sure I ever will...

So like 6 months back I was desperately lookin for a place to live. I was so desperate at that point that I would hav agreed to live under sum1's staircase If I had to...I was goin to see apartments like everyday and cos I was jobless alota people were kinda rejecting me, I guess they must be thinkin wud she be able to pay the rent. So anyways I was on the verge of givin up when I got this call from this female who was leavin her apartment and was lookin for a replacement. I was soo desperate I went to see her place the next day itself at like 7 am in the morning. The place was a lot better than the last apartment I had seen which by the way was a weird room with a red rug and ya not to mention the bathroom and the kitchen of that place were on a different floor all together. I immediately agreed and I din't even bother to ask about the people I'd be livin with cos at that point of time that din't really matter. And then I moved inn...and by gods grace met these two awesome roomates who have literally been the most supportive people I have ever met. I think we just hit it off rite at the start. I had been livin alone the last couple of months and I was dyin to talk to sum1 and they were glad to hav sum1 to provide background music to every situation (cos I literally do have a song for every situation). When I moved into the apartment I am not kidding but my two bags of clothes was all I had oh yaa and two chairs which I found in the trash (don't judge me ok desperate times call for desperate measures)- no utensils, no bed, no pillows, no nuthin basically...

And these guys literally gave me everythin from the sleeping bag I use today to the hangers I use to hang my clothes, the bedsheet that I sleep on to the plates I use to eat. And they din't even know me. My birthday was about a month after I moved in and these guys actually threw me a surprise bday party (the one where the cops showed up if I mite add)-honestly wasn't expectin it cos I barely knew them. People I have known my entire life havn't even given me a surprise bday party. We still have the decorations on our walls, I din't allow them to remove any ;-P Oh god and I have to mention my aweful cooking skills which hav goten tolerable over the last couple of months thanks to them- So I am a sardarni who cooks roties like a gujju and sabzies like a Maharashtrian. When u live in the same house u r bound to have arguments and wat not but I am always going to be grateful to them cos they took me in when I had nuthin and they supported me thru the whole being jobless and frustrated phase.....and man we have made sum memories over the last couple of months. From doin our own version of a pest control in our bug infested apartment to fighting with the landlord for our deposit we have done it all. Every month we go to this town like two stations away to get our groceries with a shopping cart and then the way back is where all the energy we gain from the food we ate the month b4 is utilised when we have to drag that deadly food cart exploding with vegetables and wat not back home, I remember this one one time the cart's wheel got stuk and it fell and well I fell on top it, it was soo freakin hilarious. Then there was this time when we ran out of atta and ate rice for like 2 weeks every single day b4 we ran out of that as well and started eatin maida & besan roties. This finally got to me and I went to the grocery store and dragged a 20 lb bag of atta on my own (yes it was a big achievement and also the reason why I have super strong arms now). Oh yes and how can I forget the New Year at Time Square where we went to see the ball drop only when we reached there, there was no sign of any god damn ball, we were freezin our asses off but we did manage to catch a bunch of Iskon Temple disciples singing "Hare Krishna" needless to mention we joined them and thats how we celebrated New Year 2010...lol! And how can I forget the night I corrupted them all, so my roommates are the most sudhra hua bunch of people u'll ever meet and I decided that I'll have to be the one to introduce them to alcohol. So we got these small bottles of vodka and decided to get a lil drunk. Me being the pro gave the bachha party sum and said it was enuf for them. They weren't gonna take that and b4 we knew it the vodka was over and they felt they weren't gettin that drunk feelin so at 2 pm in the night these two girls decided to go to the Liquor store (which was like two house away from our old house) and get tequila shots ....they'd seen people have those in movies, kids I tell u....lol! Soo as soon as they got home they started feelin drunk cos well vodka take time to hit and all of us started cryin for sum weird reason. And this one roomate of ours who din't even drink at all actually started cryin as well.....LOL! I guess she was feelin left out;-P We all got up with the worse hangover ever and we still have that box of Vodka they got that night, we havn't been able to finish it yet even after 5 months....these are sum awesome memories with sum awesome people which I hope will last me a lifetime:)

Random Thoughts

So I have been tryin to dodge the marriage bullet for sumtime now......I mean why do I hav 2 do this. I am not ready to grow up yet and think about savings, kids, in-laws, contraceptives, blah blah ...... I am just a kid, atleast in my head I am. I see people around me in relationships- ya ok so they don't ever have to got to the mall by themselves but they are struggling to make time to hang out with their friends, siblings, or just to pamper themselves. I am not done pamperin myself or my siblings yet. When I went to visit my friend last weekend she said -I hav never seen u happier, u havn't stopped smiling since u set foot in my house.......and it was such an aww moment cos it meant a lot cumin from her well since she's seen me all frustrated cos of a lota stuff in life, wat if marriage ends up ruin this:(....So I was wondering when can a female stop callin herself a girl. I mean I am 25 now...am I a girl or do I now fall in the women category??? Someone said its an age thing, my roomate said once ur a mom ur a women and well another friend of mine said that once ur married ur a women....I am not really convinced with any of these answers so if u hav a better answer then lemme know......I want to believe I am a girl until my weight stays within the 45 to 55 kg range:-P

Anyways back to the marriage thing- WHY GOD WHY ME????

I mean I am not a -think about the Future person, this F word is forbidden in my head it freaks me out and leads to anxiety attacks;-P. If I had to make a list of the weirdos my parents have been sendin my way, well lets just say it wud a very funny list........ok so here's the deal I know I am in denial but its time to cum out now. SO here it is- I am Commitment Phobic. My way of life and my choice of men clearly reflects this. And its not thats I can't dodge this marriage thing anymore cos trust me I can its just that its not fair to my folks.....so how the hell do I get over this fear of being suffocated in a relationship????? When I think of relationships I think of a closed room without any windows...this is soo not good;-( I dunno why I feel like once u get married u don't have fun in life anymore, and I have had my share of fun and I shud be like I am over that phase but the thing is I am not. I have given my parents every shitty excuse possible to avoid this but now I hav to put a stop to this, I just have to..... so anyways was arguing with my mom over the phone the other nite (yes moms don't care if u are in another continent, they'll hunt u down to pester you) and well guess who showed up AGAIN!!! I swear if this happens one more time I am soo gonna be writin my next blog from a jail cell....

SO for those of u wonderin man she has been bloggin a lot lately well -the last month has been seriously crappy, I hav been workin my ass off, I didn't get the raise I was expecting, not been gettin along with sum people at work, my Guddu's havin her exams, I hav been missin my friends like crazy and well I have already spent way too much money on ISD calls;(

The Other Job

I have been doin this part time thing in the evening as an internship/ volunteer work for a small marketing firm run by the Ugoslavian lady I had mentioned in one of my earlier blogs. And its finally about to get over, thank god for that cos doin two jobs was kinda breakin my back. That is also one the reasons why I am bak to my anorexic weight (U appreciate weight loss so much more when u actually work for it lol!!). But I hav had sum awesome times at this place and met sum amazing people....Starting with the women who runs this place, must be like in her mid sixties for sure. Now the things with Yugolavian/ Serbian's is that they spit all over ur face when they talk cos of the accent I am guessin. The first time we spoke I was drenched but then as time passed by I learned to angle my face to avoid the spit rain and and well the other times I didn't mind washin my face every time I spoke to her....lol! Ya I know its soundin gross, well wat do I say it kinda is;-) So anyways this women has a son whose workin India now and she has been tryin to convince me to marry him for some reason cos according to her I am a smart Indian girl who needs man...LOLLLLS! (Ya one more person in the list of people tryin to get me married). She's even shown me a pic of him and said- well now he has become a lil "moti". Ya she knows a lil hindi cos her late husband was an Indian. And she has an amazing story of how she married him which she plans to write a book on sumday, so well I don't want any copyright issues:) Anyways so everytime I'd go to work she'd cook sum Indian dish - Tandoori Chicken or Biryani and get it for me, talk about havin a nice boss AND she even had one of those aren't u lonely here, don't u miss ur family in India conversations with me....super lol!!! She recently got this adorable dog Milliee (the name means darling in serbian). And well lets just say this dog is the reason I have overcome my fear of dogs cos I luv Millu, he's a cutie (ya he'a HE) and he luvs my roties. He'd follow me around everywhere, I wud actaully hav to ask sum1 to hold him when I had to use the loo cos he'd want to follow me there as well. Now that I am leavin the place all I can think is I won't get to play with that cutie pie:( Also this place has interns from different parts of the world and I can't tell u the cultures I have been exposed to workin here....I even went to Couture fashion week baby. Ya don't get too excited, fashion shows and I hav a lil bad history and lets just say the story continued here as well...lol!

Everytime I am gonna think of New York - I am so gonna think of this women cos she epitomizes everything that New York is- a blend of different cultures, small businesses struggling to survive, people accepting those who are new here and everyone dreaming of makin it big one day:)

P.S- Thats a pics of Millie:)

The Hardest Part.....

And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
Was the hardest part

And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet, I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the cloud
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
You really broke my heart

And I tried to sing
But I couldn’t think of anything
And that was the hardest part

I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You're a silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
Oh and I
I wonder what it’s all about
I wonder what it’s all about

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do, it's just comes undone
And everything is torn apart

Oh and it’s the hardest part
That’s the hardest part
Yeah that’s the hardest part
That’s the hardest part

I WANNA GO BACK !!!

Just got bak from my 1st vacation in a like a year I can't tell u how relaxed I am rite now. This was so well deserved and timed ....cos things had been super hectic for the last couple of weeks. I went to visit my darlin Shaista and man it felt sooo awesome to see her after 3 years .... time flies na!!

I had completely forgotten how it feels to have sum1 take care of you, Shaista is one of those few people on this planet who lemme be the kid and don't mind being the grown up....It feels gr8 to hav sum to take care of u......this is sooo a must hav in the person that I end up with - he shud be willing to take care of me. I like being pampered but when ur the eldest sibling u just end up takin care of every1 and no1 takes care of u:(
Another major requirement from the guy I end up with - he shud like me more than I like him, thats a tip that Shaista gave me actually. And considerin the fact that she's talkin with experience I'll take her word for it:)

OMG I soo din't feel like cumin bak, she almost had to force me to get on the flight. I did try my best to get her and her husband to adopt me but to no avail ....and now we get bak to our routine life, I WANNA GO BACK!!! ...I am soo givin the I am sad pout as I am typin this:(

The Cab Ride

Its almost midnite and I am exhausted but I have to write this down b4 I forget about it completely and once u read about it u'll realize why.....

SO things have been super busy at work lately and yesterday things just went to another level....anyways it got super late and b4 I knew it was 12.45 pm and we realized its high time we left for home. I take the train home but my colleagues just won't let me and I was forced to take a cab. So a colleague of mine calls a cab service and this cab shows up, now my work place has the worse location ever imagine Dharavi only its under a bridge (ya I know talk about livin the American dream) anyways so the cab guy shows up and he's this gora/Spanish lookin guy with all sorts of tattos and piercings over his body and I am super paranoid so I almost feel like refusing to get into the cab. But then I don't wanna act like a baby so I do get in the cab and I immediately call my roomate and tell her to stay on the phone with me till I reach home. Ok so I know I am sounding like a chickhen rite now but in my defense I hav never taken a cab to work ever so I don't even know the way by road and it was like past mid night and there wasn't a single car on the road. Bak to the story... so I am on the phone with my roomate whose also an Indian and I am tellin her how I had a bad day at work and all of a sudden this guy pulls the cab aside and I start freakin out and tellin my roommate- god why did he pull up, WHY DID HE PULL UP!!! and I ask him if everythings ok and he starts the cab again, so by this time my paranoia level has reached it peak and I am tryin to read every road sign possible to know which direction we are goin in. Meanwhile my roommates still on the phone and I am telling her things like " pata nahi yeh kuan se sunsaan raste se leke jaa raha hai". Finally I spot a place close to my house and I tell my roomie- I'll reach in 5 mins cum down with the money (ya din't even hav money to pay the cab --wat?? cabs are expensive here, also one of the reasons why I have never taken one to work ever). And as soon as I hang up this cab guy is like" so wat happened, ur car broke down" and I tell him that is was just a late day at work.....then he ask me the usual "where u from" to which I reply the obvious " India". And then he asks me the unusual where in India and in my head I am thinkin does he even know places in India, and I reply Bombay (I like it better than Mumbai) to which he says the shocking " Ohh aap Mumbai se ho" and my mouth just open in shock cos this is a gora lookin guy ok and thru out and I mean thru out the freakin cab ride I was paranoid and I sayin stuff like -Meri phat rahi hai, blah blah .......all in hindi to my roommate. Finally I manage to say " Aap ko hindi aati hai" and he's like -ya I am from Punjab in India. He didnt look like he cud be from India at all ok, it turned out his dad was from Punjab and hi Mom was an American which kinda explains his gora looks and this kid lives in Punjab for like 6 months of the year and he even had an India ke flag ka tatto amongst the other hundred ...lol! Ya this info and more he gave me in 5 mins .....OMG but the entire episode wa so funny ...I payed him and then b4 he left I said Sat Sri Akal (good bye in Punjabi) and he blushed and said the same bak......And as soon as I got in the house I told my roommate and we burst into a laughter non stop for like 30 mis. Cos the kinda shit I was tell her thruout the cab ride - this guy must be laughin all the while.....it was hilarious. The are soo many Indians na In New York , New Jersey the god damn language advantage now ceases to exists anymore....

So anyways I was just talkin to my brother and he's like remember this incident so that everytime ur low u think of it and smile and well wat better way to remember sumthing than writin about it ....

To My So Called Friend...

WARNING: If u like this blogger I suggest u don't read this blog cos the bitch is on fire and she will spare no one..

So we are friends now, if u say so.......we are sooo NOT!! I sooo did not wanna do this cos its just makin me think of all those things I worked so hard to forget and now its bak like a ghost in my attic to haunt me again. A lot of time has passed and yes I am over it but u know wat somebody treatin me like shit will always be a big f***** deal. And if I let u bak in my life now I am sayin its ok to treat me like shit which is NOT!!! About u bein sorry, well 1st of all I never read the god damn word Sorry anywhere. And u know me its all about the word. No its not!!! I have learned to trust my instincts and they say u are not and u never were.......When sum1's sorry u just know that they are cos their conscious just doesn't let them live with it and they do watever it takes to hunt that person down and let that person know how sorry they are.....U are the reason I am a cynical untrusting bitch today (yes I believe in giving people all the credit that they deserve) and I generally don't trust any1 anymore. I don't think I am even capable of trusting u cos - Trust and Me, well we just don't get along anymore. I don't share my thots with any1 and people who matter aren't discussed with sum1 who doesn't. I am too guarded to do that.....So my friend I will never share anything wid u......so we won't really have anythin 2 talk abt

U just disappeared on me, do u know how shitty it feels when the 1st person u think of every morning and the last person u talk to every nite doesn't even acknowledge ur presence, do u hav any f***** clue how shitty it feels when u find out that the person u spend being hopelessly in luv wid for like 5 years din't take a week to get over u cos well "he had other options". U DON'T......when u left I was down in the dumps not cos of us I just was generally in life and if u were really a good friend u wud hav realized that and stuck around, but u din't. I worked hard and build a life for myself on my own without ever depending on anyone (cos u taught me not to ever depend on any1 ever again.....I told u I'll give u all the credit u deserve) and u know wat I am happy with where I am today (I mite not be so happy abt the person that I am...but thats not the point) so there is no way in hell I will get sucked in that world of ur's all over again and loose myself.....besides if u aren't there wid me in my crappy times then honestly I don't need u in my good times, that is my general funda in life and it applies to every1.............Also I soo do not wanna do the whole he said, she said thing which is soo bound to happen if we talk.

I don't know wat the hell is goin on with u, but u obviously must be goin thru a not so happy phase rite now cos honestly I can't think of any other reason why u'd wanna get in touch wid me. Watever it is u are goin thru u'll get over it OK, pls for once in ur life deal with stuff on ur own and don't seek sum1 to be there for u emotionally like always. U are a grown up now its high time u learn to be emotionally independent. We all have our low phases and we get through them and so will u, so just hang in there......deal with it on ur OWN. Trust me u don't wanna get to know the vindictive bitch that I have become today, its for ur own good. I'd rather prefer u remember me as the nice person that I was......but she's not here any more so u'll only get disappointed.

I don't think I am capable of sayin these things to ur face, no clue why so I am bloggin about it. And I am not very happy about it........if I mite add. I have asked u specifically not to read my blog but in case, just in case if u still are the jackass that u always were, u aren't really gonna listen and if that is the case then I just wanna say - I hope u lost sum weight......

P.S- How hard is it to say the word SORRY!!

The Good, the bad and the ugly;(

I don't know how this happened but literally within 48 hours I have gone from luvin my life to being so pissed I cud so kick sum1's ass rite now just for the heck of it....

So lets start with the luvin my life part first cos well I have a short term memory and I don't wanna 4get that awesome day. So one of the company's that I am workin for is into Art Handling. For those who are wonderin wat the hell it is well google it! Anyways I was sittin in this meeting a couple of weeks back and every1 out there was admiring this ad campaign by a competitor and when I looked at it all I saw was a black background with a white circle on it which had sum stuff scribbled all over it. It turned out it was a very well known painting which I had no clue about cos well I am kinda Art Illiterate if I may say so....So any ways after that I decided to get a lil Arty cos well I don't wanna get fired and this weekend I got these tickets to this Art Event that we were sponsoring and I decided to go....It took me forever to get there for starters and I am still figurin out the whole subway trains thingy in New York so kind got lost but when I finally reached there - well lets just say the hours journey was sooo worth it. I think I have never missed Suhani more cos this is soo the kinda thing I'd end up goin with her.....Anyways saw sum super great stuff there and I thot I'd write about this stuff once I had my photgraphy blog up but I am tryin to use wordpress this time and I am still figuring it out so well wat the heck rite....Anyways I had an awesome time and on my way back as I walked past a window display and saw my reflection in it...and for the very first time ever I felt wow I luv my life. I hav always envied sum1 or the other for havin a better life than me but in that moment I felt like THIS IS what I've always wanted. I must say the awesome weather this weekend definetly lifted my spirits. Winter is finally getting over I am glad but I am also kinda sad cos well i just bought two pairs of boots which are pretty much gonna get wasted:(

So now gettin back to why I am soo pissed well I can't do the whole marriage thing I just can't I am tryin to be all cool about it but well I am faking it. I was hopin that if I pretend to want it I'll end up wanting it...well I was sooo wrong cos I just don't. I just cannot trust a guy ever again its beyond me and I am not capable of it so no point wasting my time on it. Nuthins even happened yet and I've already started feelin stuck and claustrophobic. People do it, good for them, I am just not one of those people. I know in the long run I'll regret it but rite now its not gonna happen.......Also I am just havin a super hard time gettin along with sum people and well its beginning to get on my nerves. I just wanna tell them--SCREWWWWWWW UUUUU ALLL!!!!! I feel so much better after typin that cos well I can't say it to their face, don't ask me why?

For those who are wonderin wats with the image, this was actually on of the displays at the exhibition (told u they had sum cool stuff) and is also my cells walllpaper these days....well thats hows mad I am rite now!!

I Finally Have the Answer!!

Ok so I remember posing this question on my blog- Why do men continue to be in relationships with women they don’t wanna end up with?

I have asked this question to many guys and most of them gave me the crappy - "cos we are men, we are made like this" kinda answers but I finally got an honest answer today. See this guy at work has been sayin he wants to break-up with his girlfriend for weeks now and has been getting a lota flake from me for it as well. So today he gave me the answer that I have been lookin for 4ever now- He said she’s the sweetest girl he’s ever known and she has a lotta stuff in her life that is not goin her way rite now and she’s crazy about him. He cannot imagine how heart broken she will be and if she will be able to take it at all cos in his on words, "I am the perfect boyfriend"

I was kinda left speechless when he told me this, which by the way is very rare cos I always have sumthing to say. So it turns out not all men are jerks as I thot they were. Now about women not being able to deal with heartbreaks well lemme put it this way- Just cos women cry more doesn’t mean they are weak it just means we feel better after we cry when we are down, men on the other watch a football match to feel better (no clue how that helps....maybe it just gets out their aggression). A guy once told me getting those kidney stones out of my body was the hardest thing I have ever done and I thot in my head well u think soooo then imagine getting a child out of ur body!!! Bottom line- If God thinks women can take childbirth then she can handle anything, its only when u put a women to test do u realize how strong she is……

So for all those guys out there wondering if she will be able to take it, trust me she will and in most cases better than u!!!

P.S- I was sooo singing “Strength of a Women” by Shaggy when I wrote this blog:)

If you want to be happy, be..

A friend of mine asked me a couple of months back If I was HAPPY, I lied and I said I was. 3 months later I look at my life today and honestly I AM HAPPY (touchwood.....I hope I din't jinx it). I am away from my family and there isn't a single day when I don't miss my baby Guddu but other than that - I finally have a job I luv, I finally will be able to travel like I always wanted and I am fortunate to be surrounded with people who care. When I took the decision of leavin home I didn't realize it would be that difficult cos trust me if I had I wouldn't have done this ever.....I can't tell u how many times I regretted my decision in the 1st couple of months, but sumthing inside me just kept sayin hold on longer things will get better. Its sooo difficult start a life from scratch in a country where u have no friends and specially when u have very minimal amount of money. I just kept sayin to myself that if u can do this u can do anything. And now that I hav done it- its almost as if I need sumthing else to challenge me. But its time to stop rebellin and put down my weapons cos my parents will literally disown me if I do this again. I am super ambitious and I want to push myself harder but there comes a time in your life when u need accept that its important to have a personal life. The whole marriage thing is looming over my head and my parents send me pixs of guys so often its almost as if they are running a marriage bureau......lol! Am I ready to do this? I don't know...... I do know that I am shit scared. I just hope when the time cums I do this for myself as well and not just to make my parents happy.

One of my closest friends is gettin married and I cudn't be happier for her cos trust me if a year back sum1 had asked me who's the most unlikely to get married in the next 5 years-she'd be like amongst the 1st 2 people on my list. She's found the right person who cares for her and I am ecstatic cos good people deserve good things in life:) Oh god too much marriage talk , its almost as if that's all ur mid twenties are about.

Anyways this ones for my darling Nish who did wait to find her Perfect Guy.....

Wait for the guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

Who calls you back when you hang up on him.

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says "......that's her"

Cos he is some where out there:)

I had one the best days of my life yesterday thanx to the snow storm. Spent the entire day playin in the snow with my friends and we all got back home late and cooked dinner together. It was soooooooo awesome, I also managed to click gr8 pics of this park nearby wid my cell phone. Now I am not the one to brag but I have owned sum seriously crappy phones over the last couple of years so now that I can afford to buy myself a decent phone I got one wid a pretty good camera....ok wat the heck i'll brag a little I got myself the best camera phone that has ever been made with a 8.1 megapixel camera baby!!!!!!!! And its so awesome that I have gotten addicted to takin pics so much so that I think I shud start a photography blog cos my family and friends are kinda sick of seeing my pixs now, so I thot I'll bore the people who read my blog now ;)

Will post some pix soon gotta go now cos chai thandi ho rahi hai, till then chow people:)

P.S- Forgot to mention, guess who came knocking at our door again in the middle of the night ?
THE COPS, needless to say the whole "Luv Thy Neighbor" thing is not really happenin here;-0

In good times, in bad times I'll be on your side forever more, that's what friends are for!!

I havn't had a day off in the middle of the week in months and this truly is a luxury for me....for once
I have a day off and I don't ave to worry about doin the laundry or cleaning the kitchen or vacuuming my room.......all thanx to the snow storm:)

So I went to this Bday dinner of a colleague of mine a couple of weeks bak and she had all her high school friends there....I think I was the only "new friend" around. Now I am a chatty person so I don't really have a hard time makin small talk and the weather in this country is always worth talkin about....lol! But unfortunately for me I was seated next to a baby who was busy napping away and the Bday Girl who was busy entertaining. Needless to say I was bored to death cos the couple sittin across was well busy being a couple and the entire time I was just literally thinkin in my head "THIS WAS SUCH A BAD IDEA"......and thats not all. Just being there and seeing people who have known each other for ages interact made me realize that I don't have that anymore. I have no clue when I am gonna hang out with my childhood friends like that ever again......that entire evening spiraled into me getting super homesick and missin my friends like crazy for the days that followed. I think I din't realize how much I missed them until that nite...

I don't make friends that easily atleast not good friends .......it takes me forever to let people in and let them see the real me. I can easily say that a lota people I have known for years actually don't know me at all. But I do make a good friend atleast I think so......and I luv my friends to death. They are as important to me as my family, if not more...I know a lota people who have different best friends in every phase of their life, I on the other hand have had the same ones every since I understood what the term best friend means..... I am so grateful and blessed to have them in my life. I think my friends are truly one of my biggest strength and my greatest achievement. I have been blessed to have known such strong women that its only natural that some their confidence and strong will has rubbed off on me...
Everyone has their own fundas about the kinda friends they have.....I just cannot have the JUST HANGING OUT type friends, its just not who I am. If we are not the kinda friends that are there for each other then I don't wanna hang out with u and waste my time.....I wud rather spend it with people who matter.

Its not like I don't make new friends anymore, its just that in today's day and age very few make the effort to stick along. I just wanna thank every single person who I call my friend today cos all of them, have played a major part in helpin me become the person that I am today....some more than the others.

I wanna thank my darling Neha for always being there to give me a hug when I need one. For tellin me that I am the prettiest and I cannot give up on findin love in life cos there is sum1 amazing out there. For not giving up on me even when I refused to talk to her......for teaching me how to wear kajal, for gettin me all obsessed with hand bags, for teachin me how to fight with auto rickshaw wala's when they rig their meters, for plannin the trip to Goa and forcing me to come, for goin to clubs with me even though she hates them, for always being the sober one when I got drunk, for being the confident and the ambitious person that she is and teachin me not to settle for anything but the best in life. I love u a lot and I know I am not very expressive as a person but u mean the world to me and life truly sux when we fight...u deserve the best in life and I have faith that u will get it:)

If there is one person who understands my need to travel and my leaving home and cumin here that is Suhani. She is the one person I know I can call anywhere and anytime when I am in trouble and I know she'll be there. I think she is sum1 who has stood by me like a rock through my worse times and my heart is filled with gratitude everytime I think of her. There is always this one person in your life that helps you accept who you really are and for me that person has been Suhani. I wanna thank Suhani for supportin me when I had to take tough decisions in life, for understanding me and my passion for my career, for hearing me crib about my break ups, for being there every single time I fought with my parents, for makin me realize that I need to be emotionally independent, for introducing me to my favorite food -Momo's, for helping me rediscover my love for reading, for getting me gifts everytime she went out of town (I still carry around the good luck charm she got me), for paying the bill those zillion times when I had no money, for lending me money to buy college forms, for never letting me give up. You are an amazing friend and I know for sure that I wudn't be the person that I am had u not been there..SO THANK YOU:)

When I need sum1 to be brutally honest with me I go to my friend Shaista, cos she always and I mean ALWAYS tells me wat I need to hear & not wat I want to hear. She's always got my bak and I know she's looking out for me no matter wat and I love her for that. Though we have been living apart for the last couple of years she has always been just a phone call away and the best thing is we can start off just where we left everytime we talk......Its almost as if she never left. She's the one with all the practical advice and wisdom in the world and yet there is somthing naive about her which I totally adore. She has done more with the little resources that she had than any of us are even capable of.....definitely one of the strongest women I have ever known. She's not afraid to be politically incorrect and she's the one who taugh me that life is about livin for yourself and not tryin to please everyone around you and I am truly grateful for that. I wanna thank Shaista for being the glue that holds us all together, for teaching me how to use the computer, for making my very first email Id, for having the biggest heart, for being honest and tellin me - I don't think he's the one for u, for teachin me about the birds and the bees, for forcing me to buy a push up bra, for bringing out my feminine side, for not getting mad at me when I wasn't there for her during her weddin, for being so proud of me when I dressed up for her reception, for being an amazing listener and tellin me things will work out eventually and for being one of the most optimistic person I have ever met. I love u and I know that we'll always be friends no matter what:)

Its amazing to have friends in life who u can count on. I once heard this in Oprah (I am a big fan) that by the time u are forty if u have just one friend who u can call in the middle of the nite then u have truly lived ur life. I have been blessed to have more than one such friend and I am grateful to God for every single on of them...

They say that- Nuthing is as therapeutic as a good long talk with a few old friends.....And I a really believe it:)

Life in 2010

Have been super busy the last couple of days, can't believe its gonna be 6 months in a couple of days.....its like time just flew man!! Beginning to feel super homesick...I miss my sis soooo much. And I hate cumin back to an empty home. I think I have been soo obsessed with my career the last couple of years ...its almost as if no1 else mattered and no1's feelin are important but my own. I recently heard this sumwhere and it hit me like a bulls eye super bang on, "Wat u do wid ur life is jus 1 half of the equation, the other half the more imp half is who u are wid when u are doin it"

So maybe I am doin a lota things I wanted to do in life but the truth of the matter is no1 I luv is around me to witness it or even celebrate it with me.......... I don't regret my decision at all cos I had to do this, I didn't wanna spend the rest of my wonderin how my life wud have been had I done sumthing like this but sumtimes I do wonder if its worth not bein able to watch my sis grow into an awesome human being......All this while I felt like I can't leave her cos she needs me but the truth is I think I need her to give my existence a meaning and a purpose. She's doin fine .....its me who's always a mess. I am not unhappy I just miss my family A LOT!!

I think this was the 1st New Year in years which I spent without my best friends.....it felt super awkward without them....I was soo not myself . I am usually the 1st person to go all gaga about how I want to celebrate the New Year. But this year I was soo tired my roommates almost had to drag me out of the house.....and the cold din't help either. Speakin of cold...I just wanna say that - I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE WINTERS!!!!!! I mean the whole seein the snowfall for the 1st time thing was a big deal ......and forward it to one month later, the site of snow just makes me mad now cos the cold gets worse, the roads get super slippery, I can't go running (one of my fav things to do one this planet) I can barely feel my toes, and I have to wear like three more layers which makes me look like an over stuffed animal!!!!!! I have to admit tho I luv Boots, my legs look longer in them...lol!!!!

I am 25 and I have absolutely no clue where life's gonna take me......I shud sooo start plannin things man (Which I absolutely hate). Its not like I am gettin any younger......but the whole idea of settling down just unsettles me to the core. I don't know if I am commitment phobic or I just don't wanna be vulnerable in life ever again or maybe I just havn't met the rite person yet........I just can't imagine myself stayin in one place or being with one person forEVER! Life's too short and there's soo much to see and do in the world - for that. GOD help my parents cos I am the worse child ever.....they wanna see me all happy and settled but I seriously can't get myself to agree to do that. I get more male attention than I need but seriously I havn't met a single guy who can hold my attention for more than 5 mins.....by the way its one thing when desi guys chek u out but its super flatterin when a firang guy chek's u out ...Ya ok I am a racist bitch sue mee ;(

SO one person that I really miss is a childhood friend of mine who's always stood by me no matter wat......and New York is sooo the place for her cos she's super arty and I think she's the only person on this planet who I know will enjoy the museums and the galleries in New York .....my brother was here for the holidays and I tried to drag him to one of these places but in vain. The fact that the cold completely got to him and he refuses to cum & see me ever again even if I pay him is another story altogether....
Also she's the only one I know who actually cares about experiencing new cultures and I try and mail her abt stuff like that cos well nobody else really gives a crap abt it..........but this is my blog so I am gonna put stuff up here whether u like it or not- These are extracts abt the culture bit I mailed her sumtime bak....I am tooo lazy to type it all over again

" Oh god I have to tell u abt this place I went to in Brooklyn for an interview I stepped out of the Railway station and I felt like I was in Israel.......... noo kiddin!! Apparently only Hamish Jews (the ones who wear the hats) live in that part of the city and every single person on the street was wearin Black even the women (they had their own lil women cap thingys). Every billboard there was in Hebrew and even school buses had stuff written in Hebrew on them...can u believe it!!! I didn't know this but alomst 80% of world's jewish population that lives outside Israel is in New York and New Jersey. Half of New York is literally owned by Jews!! And they are such a close knit community almost like Gujjus every1 knows every1. I attended a Hanukkah party the other day at work........they had a rabbi cum in to preach and light the menorah and all. By the way Jewish food tastes a lil bit like Indian food and well the other stuff tastes like crap.....but I tried everything just for the heck of it!!

Also I recently met a Yugoslavian lady, must be around 65 aram se but she's sooo passionate about her work even at this age, has her own lil marketing firm which she runs in NY. She's doin everything she can to keep the business afloat. She was married to an Indian professor from Columbia University but he died......her son's now gone 2 India after finishing grad school to set up a business there. He owns sum factory in Chandigarh....cool na. U know wat I realized, evry1 wants to push themselves and see how it feels like to get out of there comfort zone.....just to test themselves and see if they can handle it."

See so there are things I like abot being here as well...lol!!

By the way my new place is pretty decent (touch-wood......Yes I have moved out of the American Slums slash Bug FARM) and the best part is I still live with my amazingly supportive roomates...the only problem is we've got the worse neighbors on this planet. Those freaks called the cops last nite and told them we were havin a party......the cops were super disappointed to see three chicks in their worn out pajamas (I am realizing rite now that this is makin me sound sooo uncool a party wud hav sounded soo much cooler na...lol!) I mean I can't help it If I am a loud mouth...its in my genes, its almost like a birth rite...I think my family will disown me if I stop being loud. BUT I swear I cannot move anymore I've forgettin the count of the no.of times I have moved in the last 6 months...its exhausting so for now I am put!!

Ok I have a confession to make I was a super bad sis when my brother was here..instead on me makin any delicacies for him I made him cook.....I think I must have cooked like once in the last 20 days (there's a reason why I keep sayin that I have awesome roomates...this being one of them). I was super busy and my cookin kinda stinks when I am tired....but this is soooooooo not a good enough reason so I promise the next time I see him I'll cook ek dum awesome food for him....ok lets not get ahead of ourselves here, I 'll try my best to cook edible food :)

Also I don't think I wanna eat Non- Veg any more I am soo much more happier and calmer when I am a Vegetarian..........OK thats it for now have loads of work to do, so Adios Amigos:)

P.S- I am soo totally hooked to tweeting these days...