Good bye 2008!!

So this is my last blog of 2008 people. My life this year has been like a roller coaster ride full of ups and downs. But i am just gonna think about the ups rite now. These sum good things that happened to me this year and i don't wanna 4 get them so we make the LIST.

1. I went to GOA with my own money. ( This was like a life long dream)
2. I don't hate USA anymore. Infact i am completely in luv with Seattle, can't wait to go bak.
3. I fell in luv with myself this year. Seriously no jokes. I luv myself infact i adore myself....lol! (This thing came up in my head sum time bak- I think i wud wanna be with sum1 who'll luv me like i luv myself. Narcissism at its best....i know. I think more comfortable and secure about who i am now than i hav ever been.
   
4. I traveled a lot this year compared to last year. (But not as much as i'd like to)
5. Reconnected with my bro and my massi who is just the nicest person i know.
6. My cuite pie Karaj was born this year. One of my fav memories this year is puttin Karaj to sleep on diwali by singing to him. I can't tell u how amazin that felt.
   
7. So I conquered my fears and not only did i sing but i also danced on stage for my college fest, Yippie!!
8. Finally managed to make sum friends in coll ( With my trust issues its really HUGE)
9. I got full in a presentation where the prof challenged the class he wudn't give any1 more than 5. And he like my presentation soooo much he included that in the syllabus AND he even asked it in the exam for 10 marks. Its a different thing that almost every1 was cursin me after the exam cos the the topic was sumthinh not evry1 cud understand.( I hav to be honest here and add that the prof has lil crush on me.The topic was Innovation in Pharma and i really worked hard on this one, imagine tryin to get people interested in sumthing u cudn't find interest in yourself in even though u studied it for 4 years)
10. I started photography this year and i am super proud of this. I am not that good but i am gonna get better.
11. OK so the whole bday party thingy made me realise that i'd just rather celebrate my bday with my family u know. I appreciate my friend for the whole party and all but i realized no matter how much i deny it i am just a complete family person at heart. And wat better day to accept sumthing like this than your Bday
    
12. Ok of all the stuff that i hav done this year this ones the biggest. I stopped drinkin my fav thing on this planet TEA. I was a huge teatotaller and was used to havin like 8-9 cups a day. But it started affectin my health and so i gave it up. I can't tell u how hard this has been i hav dreams where i am drinkin tea. I literally fantasize about havin tea. This has been worse than any break up for me. But i know this is only temporary i know the day when me and tea will be together once again isn't far away....

I am not really the kind to make resolutions but this year i hav mad one. I hav decided I am gonna try and be more trustin this year. I mean i hav to if i wanna live my life the way i want to then this is a must. Also when u travel u meet all sorts of people and u gotta let your gaurd down or else how will u get to know them better. So that it for 2008. Hope u guys hav a Happy New Year and also do me a favor just click on the ads at then end of my blog once in a while. I am supposed to get paid for that thing. I havn't made a penny of it yet....SEE YA & HAPPY NEW YEAR! and BE SAFE;-)

Bored to death!!

I can't tell u how bored I am rite now. I think i am just loosing my mind. Just 2 days bak i was thinkin man do i luv my life or wat! And now i just can't wait to get busy again. Can't believe how fast things change.The job hunt is still going on...i just can't seem to find sumthing i like. When i wasn't lookin the offers were pourin in and now that i am all those crappy steno types ( No offense to any1 ) are all that I am gettin. Also out of sheer laziness I havn't even gone to the library to get sum new books to read. I finsihed Jhumpa Lahiri's Unaccustomed Earth sum time bak and i luved it. My fav one among the short stories were Only Goodness and Hema & Kaushik. I can't figure out i why none of her stories hav a happy endin. Infact lately none of the books that i hav read seem to hav a happy ending. Its almost as if people hav a thing against them. I mean i get it that u wanna be as close to reality as possible and if truth be told there are no happy endings in real life. But cum on..its a book for cryin out loud there's a reason why its called fiction cause its not real...

I feel like i am trapped here sumtimes. The world's just waitin to be discovered and I am wasting my time sittin on my butt. But then where is the money to do that u know....Now this is going to sound weird but lately all the guys i meet sum how remind me of my brother. I can't explain it but they just do. I don't know maybe its cos i miss Karan so much. U know stuff like thats my brothers fav brand or his fav cricketer. My sister's just gettin on my nerves now that i am spending way too much time at home. Hav u ever wondered wats the deal with how we are supposed to be according to society. According to our so called society we should get married at a suitable age and have children and its only then that u hav had a happy life. But wat if i don't want that. Does that mean that i am not happy or not content with my life. But then is it just society or is it my own head that keeps tellin me that this wat you should want from life. Why do we hav all these rules as to how our lives should or shouldn't be like. According to people around me I should find a suitable boy and settle down. But wat if i don't want that from life. Besides wats the whole deal with settling down. I don't think i ever want to settle down. If that means giving up on your own dreams and fulfilling your so called worldly obligations. I think my only obligation to this world is to live the best life that i can and be the best possible person i can be. Sumtimes i do wish that if only i wanted the same things things for myself as my parents do for me then life wud be so much easier and they'd be so much happier. But i don't wanna lie to myself - and deep down i know that i don't atleast not rite now. Maybe its just the rebel in me which refuses to listen to others. Haven't quite figured that out yet.

So who's the new guy in your life? - well thats the question almost every1 who knew me when i was datin my ex has asked me when i bumped into them after the break up (which was like ages bak) and they still do. And i just find it completely derogatory. Why do i have have a guy in my life. So just because i dated sumbody who's always datin sum1 or another does it mean that I am like that was well. I mean is that the kinda impression people got of me bak then......of sumbody who always needs to be in sum relationship. (The last time sum1 asked me this question i got so pissed off i gave the guy a piece of my mind. And he was lucky that he met me online or else i wud hav chewed his head off .) If that is the case then its pathetic cos there is so much more to me than that. And sumwhere i am to be blamed cos i hav always been a very closed person. But still u can't define people by their relationships.....and if u do then that person must have a really sad existence. I don't ever want to be known as sum1's girlfriend or wife or anything for that matter. I want people to me for ME not cos of sum1 else. I just pray to God that i always maintain my own individuality and don't loose myself ever again. There's so much more to and i'd rather be known for stuff like- sum1 who likes photography, sum1 likes to travel, sum1 who like food, sum1 who's obsessed with pink, etc... etc.. But never in my life do i want a relationship to define who i am.

One of my biggest regrets in life is that i din't go to a good B-school. Ya i know that whole u shudn't have any regrets in life crap but cum on who are we all kiddin sum where we all do. But seriously not just for the good placements but just to be around people who inspire u and help u be the best u can be. Not like i don't give my best now but i know for sure that it wud hav made a huge difference. There cums a time in our lives where we choose one option over the other and then when we look bak we always wonder how things wud hav been had we taken the other road. I do hav sum of those " wat ifs" in my life as well and sum times i do wonder how different my life wud hav been had i chosen the other road.

1. After my 12th i decided to take Arts and din't tell my parents. But i was such a wuss i ended up taking pharmacy cos i didn't wanna tell my parents. And i can't tell u how often i wonder how different things wud hav been had i just gone and told my parents about wat i really wanted to study.

2. There was a time when i packed my bags and moved to the US. But things didn't go as planned and we had to cum bak. My parents didn't really know wat to do then so i had to take a call and i obviously choose to cum bak. But i do sumtimes try to imagine how my life wud hav been had i chosen to stay bak.

3. This guy who i hav known since i was a fat kid in school met me like a year bak and confessed that he's had a thing for me ever since. I kinda knew bak then but i was kinda shocked to find out that he felt the same way even now. I almost had rebound with him but then i think sumthing inside me just told me that i was makin the same mistake again and i distanced myself from the whole situation. I don't really regret this one but i do wonder how things wud hav been.....

.Guess i'll never know how my life wud hav turned out had chosen a different path......

Books I Liked

The job hunt is on in full swing. Lets see how things go. The thing is that wat i wanna do is not really gonna pay me much and I kinda need the money. But at the same time i don't wanna do sumthing that i won't enjoy. Also I am not sure if i shud play the waiting game or shud i just take up wat cums first. As always i am super confused. Things with my friend aren't really improving as i had thot they wud. I mean we talk and all but i just don't feelin i can tell her wats on my mind without thinking twice any more. I feel like i hav to think and speak cos sum where i feel like she judgin me. My day start at around 2 pm these days. I think i can make sum sort of a record for sleepin for the maximum no. of hours.

I read Jhumpa Lahiri's Interpreter of Maladies last week and surprisingly i liked it. I generally don't like the award winning types. I think she sticks to wat she knows best i.e. Bengali culture, Calcutta and Boston. Most of her stories revolve around them. But the thing with reading short stories is sum how i kinda find them incomplete. They just end abruptly and i end up wondering wat happens to the characters after this.

I have just finished reading Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan's You are Here. I just wanted to read sumthing that wasn't very serious and lil chick flick like. Ok so the thing is i've read her column a couple of times in Mumbai Mirror. And honestly i kinda felt that they weren't very original. It felt like she was trying to do the Indian version of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the city. I just felt like it was very wannabeish. But i thot the book was nice, not bad at all. Infact sum parts from the book are hilarious. I absolutely loved the part about underwire bras. I just cudn't stop laughing when i read that bit. The twenty -five year Arshi is very easy to relate to. I think she kinda goes thru the same crisis we all do when we are twenty sumthing and we hav no clue where our life is heading. I personally cud really relate to the whole no boyfriend no job and in my case still writing blogs about your ex bit. I really like these lines from the book..

We need to move, to grow, and if we’re lucky the people we luv are moving and growing too, at sum point in the future we’ll find ourselves rite bak at the start.

Ok thats it for now see ya later..

An illusion Of Luv

Today i saw Rab ne bana di jodi and it just reminded me of the old me. You know the one who was dreamy eyed, believed almost anything u told her, a romantic to the core and loved like there was no tomorrow. I miss her sumtimes......cos the new me is just too practical and thinks romance exists only in books & movies and i might as well add bitchy & selfish. I think the old me had to go cos she was just too naive, she wudn't hav been able to survive in the world that we live in today. I don't know why but the movie just got me in a mood reminiscing about the past. I was just thinkin , i think i was the happiest when i believed i was in love and there was no relationship at all. There was this feeling of unconditional love and honestly no expectations watsoever. And yet i felt so content within. That was a nice feelin. It was actuallly better than goin around I don't know why i ever did that in the first place. The dude didn't even like me (luv to dur ki baat hai). Sumtimes i felt like he cudn't even stand me. I guess he just wanted a girlfriend and i was there so he must hav thot might as well. I don't understand why do guys do this? If u know that the person is not the one then why waste her time. Let that person move forward why hold her bak. I mean guys hav no issues but girls hav a lota other stuff goin on u know ( family pressure to get married, biological clock,etc.). Honestly everythin is forgivable but wat about the time that is lost? No matter wat u can't get the time u've lost bak ever.

I wrote this blog sumtime bak about three types of love and as i wrote it i wondered wat was it in my case. And as usual i ended up figuring out the answer in my sleep. It turns out it was none cos the person that i was in luv with just existed in my head. You know how we hav this image of the person we'd wanna be with in our head. I think i just ended up projecting that image of the person in my head on the first guy i got close to. When i think of it everything good about the relationship had just existed in my head. He was never that person and he never really changed either. I think as time passed i just started seeing him for wat he actually was and he was nuthin like the person in my head. No wonder i was so confused throughout the whole relationship. But i did try to love the real him, i really did. I guess it just didn't happen. So basically it was just an illusion of luv. I think when we are young we so desperately wanna fall in luv that we end up goin for the first person that cums along without even knowing them well enough.
I heard this sumwhere that luv is always stupid and u end up doin the stupidest things in love no matter at wat age it happens......i know i am contradicting myself but sumtimes u just don't know wat to believe.

The Exile

I am feeling a little vulnerable rite now. A lot of things are happening all at once and i am not sure if am ready for all these changes yet. My best friend is going to meet a guy this weekend ( for marriage ) and i think i am more nervous than she is. I don't think i am ready to share her with sum1 yet...its too soon. I know i cudn't be more egocentric rite now.... but well thats how i am feelin. I hav literally grown up with her and i think her family has been just amazin to me and i luv them like they are my own. And now that she is gettin ready to go into another family all i can think is that God i'll hav to adjust with them just like she wud hav to. I am always hanging out at her place, infact when things aren't goin rite at home thats the place where i go to seek solace and in sum time she won't be there. When we were young we'd talk about how we'd want our wedding dress to be, how we'd be there for each other even when we get married. I just can't believe its already happening. I think i was so preoccupied with my own mess during Shaista's weddin but now when Neha is about to go down that road i am just completely freaking out....

I think one of the reasons that i had been writtin more often was cos i was just drifting apart from a very dear friend of mine and i just ended up blogging about stuff that i wud usually share with her. Generally when things go wrong with my friends i am always the 1st one to work things out but sum how i just didn't feel like it this time. Also i just cudn't figure out why we were driftin apart, maybe it was the lack of time or maybe we just didn't feel like sharin stuff anymore. But a couple of weeks bak i realised sumthing which i just had to share with her and no one else. That i think helped break the ice between us, hopefully things will get better between us now..

I think i am completing my MBA in the worse possible time ever. The market is just goin down the drain and there are no jobs available. Infact the market has never been hit this badly since the Great Depression which happened in 1929.....talk about havin bad luck. I am takin things a bit easy now cos my exams just got over but soon i'll hav to start lookin 4 a job. I hav made sum plans and they are so not goin to materialize if i don't get a job . So people wish me luck and pray for me.

I was just wonderin how cum when we are young all we want to do is just get away and discover the world. But once we are out there we can't wait to get bak home. I am no different but i do know that i am never goin to luv a place like the way i luv Mumbai. But then a part of me just wants to go away, see the world, experience new cultures, live a completely different life. Does this make me look like an unpatriotic person? I don't know, sumtimes i feel a lil guilty but then u can't change the way u feel.

I read this book called The Exile by Navtej Sarna a couple of days bak. I think its one the best books i hav ever read. This book is about the last king of Punjab Maharaja Duleep Singh. Now one of the reasons why i wanted to read this book was cos i had heard a lot about Maharaja Ranjeet Singh, Duleep Singh's father when i was growin up. My Dad wud tell me all these stories about him and i wud just be mesmerized. The thing about readin books related to history is that u already know the ending. So the writer has to really make the story interesting for you to actually have the curiosity to continue readin till the end. Maharaja Ranjeet Singh by the way is one of the greatest Kings that this country had ever seen. No u'll be surprised to know that this man who people literally idolized was short, thin and cud only see with one eye. One of the reason's why his people luved him so much cos was a very fair person. After he died his son Kharak Singh took over as the King. But a lot of deaths due to greed and power hungry wazirs led to Duleep Singh becoming the King of Punjab when he was just 5 years old. Now Duleep was the son of Ranjeet Singh's youngest queen Jindan Kaur and he wasn't even in line to becum the king. So imagine how canniving the wazirs must hav been. Now Duleep was just a proxy king all the decisions were taken by the wazirs and sum by his mother, he was just 5 wat did u expect? The inhouse fighting continued in Punjab and the Britishers took advantage of the situation and took over Punjab. Now i hav to admit that after readin this book i kinda started hatin them. They made poor Duleep a ward of the British government and send Rani Jindan to jail. Now she being a sardarni wasn't obviously goin to stay like that so she escaped and later got asylum in the Kingdom of Nepal. Jindan kaur was very young ( in her twenties) when Duleep was made the king and she made sum wrong choices which didn't really help the kingdom. Anyways the Britisher's raised Duleep in a Christian household and in order to please the family that he was livin with Duleep decided to becum a Christian when he was eleven. He was just a child and he just wanted to fit in i guess. By the time he was 16 the Britisher's sent him to England where he became a puppet in Queen Victoria's court. As he grew up he realized what the Britishers had taken away from him and started questioning them about his rights and the terms of the treaty which they had signed when they took over Punjab . They allowed him to cum to India to meet his mother after 14 years of separation but only for a short while. He spent the rest of his life trying to fight the Britsihers and in the hope of justice and literally struggled to get bak to India. But at every step the Britisher's were ahead of him and finally he died in Paris. Its just sad how the British deceived poor Duleep when he was so young and seriously after readin the book i felt those asses shud give us the Kohinoor bak. They took it from a child talk about bein fair. Now the interesting thing is Duleep had 8 children and not one of them had a child. Its said that the queen of England ordered them not to hav any children cos they didn't want any heirs to the throne of Punjab. But i read this in the paper sumtime bak that a Britisher had found out that his great grand mother worked in a house where Duleep Singh lived and it turns out that his grandfather was Duleep Singh's son. Now i am tryin to find more info on this cos its gotten me all curious. Back to the book i think its very well written not like the borin autobiographies. After readin this book i realized i want to find more about the history of Punjab ( ok so me being a sardarni does kinda make a lil biased). Anyways that it for now see ya..

If I were a boy!!

I really like the lyrics of this track by Beyonce Knowles

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I'd roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it.
Cause they'd stick up for me.

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man.
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleepin' alone
I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waitin' for me to come home


It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong


But you're just a boy
You don't understand
Yeah you don't understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you're just a boy

Life goes on...

Oh God so much has happened since i last wrote where do i even start. For starters my exams are over (finally!! they went on for a whole month) and I officially hav nuthin 2 do so will obviously be writtin more often. My exams were just ok not that gr8. I think these exams made me realize that i am not sure if i want to study further, i mean after my MBA. Don't get me wrong i luv studin and readin i just hate the whole concept of exams man. Just because I can't vomit the stuff that i read in those three hours doesn't make me any less smart or less intelligent, as long as I understand and apply wat i read. Also i stink when it cums to thinkin under pressure so i end up screwin the application based questions in the exam. I mean i can think of how to apply those stupid fundas infact i do it all the time for my projects but u don't sit and decide to think u know, this stuff jus cums to me when i am walkin home from coll or gettin ready to sleep or when i am sleepin (a lota stuff cums to me when i am sleepin) Ok so maybe i will study ahead but definetly not sumthin where i hav to give these stupid exams...

So much has happened in Mumbai in the last couple of days that i just dont hav words to desciribe it..
I think i am jus completely heart broken cos no matter wat we do it just keeps happenin over and over again. We all know that we gotta change sumthing - is it our own attitude, is it the system, is it the politicians. Honestly i don't really know. But WE HAV TO DO SUMTHING cos if we don't then one of these days its gonna be one of us or sum1 we luv who'll loose their lives in this war. I don't think i hav ever watched so much news in my entire life. You know that thot - wat if one our luved ones was out there, wat if sum1 we knew was hurt. The fear of not knowin wats happennin and wat will happen just gets to u sooner or later. And this fear is exactly wat our enemies are trying to create with such actions. My only question is why ? wat are these people gonna get out of this? Those were innocent people who died out there and yes right now everybody's tryin to say that we care. But within a couple of days this government of ours and our so called leaders are gonna 4get about the whole thing and for them life will be back to normal. Even in situations like these the political parties can't stop from maligning each other and the blame game has already begun. The other day i was cumin bak from college and i saw this hoardin of a party which had pictures of the martyrs and said that we won't let their sacrifice go to waste. I mean this is how low they can fall to get attention, alteast leave the dead alone. I can only imagine how people who live in Jammu and kashmir must be feelin. Its impossible to live in an environment where these kind of things are happening around u all the time. Eventually the fear and paranoia will just get to u. Honestly i hate politics i always hav and i always will. And even in a situation like this i just can't get myself to be interested .....

I read Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho yesterday. I kinda came across this book sumtime bak but i kinda felt like readin about a prostitute and her life is just not my thing. Then this friends of mine put up sum amazin extracts from the book and that kinda changed my mind. I luved the Alchemist written by Paulo Coelho as well so kinda had really high expectations from this book. But when i read it i just didn't feel i cud relate to any of it at all. I liked the first half of the book but then the 2nd half was a complete drag. It felt like i was readin one of those Mills & Boons novels. I think sum where we all want to go out and discover the world, experience true love and have our happy ending just like the protagonist of the book Maria. But the the choices she makes on her way to find true love and in the name of adventure are just plain stupid. I just cudn't relate to it. Also sumwhere after she lands in Switzerland the writer just fails to make the story more interesting. The story kinda gets very predictable and the reader is left with no curiosity watsoever. Now the thing is Paulo Coelho isn't the kinda writer who gives out messages like those self help books, he expects the reader to find them hidden within the story. But i just cudn't, i think maybe i just missed sumthing there. I think this book is for those die hard romantics and i am just not one of them. What i did like in the book are the parts from Maria's Dairy. I really liked the story about the women and the bird. Also there's this question that I hav had at the bak of my mind and after readin this book it just kinda resurfaced. How important is it to hav a physical realtionship with the person you are in luv with ? Is physical intimacy the end it all of expressin how u feel for a person? Personally i don't think so. But then i am sure most men wud disagree with me. Besides how do u know that its love and not just plain old lust as is seen in most cases. I think if u luv a persons mind and heart then thats more than enough to make a relationship work. I am not a very traditional person actually but i think one of the reasons i feel this way is cos wat if u hav a physical relationship with a person u r in luv with and things don't work out, u just end up feelin dirty and impure then. Besides for most people doin it is not a big deal these days. And guys as we all know wud say just about anything to get in a girls pants. Just because sumbody says "I luv u" doesn't mean that they actually do. Bolne mein kya jata hai...Personally i feel that u give yourself to a person whom u feel u wanna commit to and u r sure this is the person u wanna spend the rest of your life with, make babies with and grow old together . Call me old fashioned if u like but thats how i feel. I hav decided that i think i'll tell my parents if i see anybody now, i don't really wanna do the whole lying thing any more. I am 24 and i don't wanna behave like a school girl whose afraid of her parents. Been there done that....

Cheers to new beginnings!!

Hello people so it was my bday yesterday.......thank u very much for all your wishes!!!
There's jus soooooooooooo much i wanna write but can't hav my exams goin on ( ya had an exam on my bday u'd think its such a bummer but don't worry i had a blast anyways). Also b4 i 4get wanna mention that i looked gorgeous.......screw modesty man.
So will continue this blog later.
Till then see ya :-)

22/11/08

No my exams aren't over but i hav a week's break in between 4 the remaining two. Now gettin bak 2 my bday. Well the thing is there were two sides 2 it the planned one and the unplanned one. I had my exam, so obviously i was studin for the 1st 12 hours of my bday. Infact i didn't sleep at all tat night- 1st cos of all the calls i was gettin and then i got so nervous abt my exam. See it being my bday and all i was under a lota pressure...i really wanted the exam 2 go well cos i din't wanna start my bday with a bad exam. But obviously that didn't happen cos i was soooooooo sleepy durin my exam i don't even remember if i wrote anything seriously it was one of my worse exams since my MBA has started. Anyways a friend of mine was throwin a party for me at her place so i was super excited abt that the whole day. After my exam I jus really wanted 2 sleep but when i got home my sis had made plans to go for a movie- we watched Dostana. I hav 2 admit i had thought that i'd just sleep throughout the movie cos i was dead tired but the movie was sooooooooooooooo hilarious that i jus didn't feel like it even 4 a sec. Infact me and my sis were laughin out so loud ( we hav a really weired laughter ) that the people sittin behind us told us a couple of times to stop it cos they couldin hear the dialogues. This was definitely the most fun part of my bday. And i hav to admit i just luved the movie ( hav already seen it twice and hav even bought the dvd...lol!). You know wat i really luv about bdays are the calls u get from people.... even those who u hav barely been in touch with. It makes u feel so damn special. I wish my bday was like atleast 2-3 times a year. Infact i'd luv it if that happened. Ok so the thing is by the time we got to the party i was suuuuuper exhausted and also kinda bummed cos my best friend called and said she wont be able 2 make it. But then this friend of mine got me the most beautiful flowers ever and it just cheered me up in a jiffy ( only for a lil while though). So we did the whole gifts thing, cut a cake ( actually cut two) and took sum amazin pix. Now i hav 2 add here I was lookin really nice and the credit 4 that goes 2 my baby sis who gave me my entire bday outfit right from the shoes to the clothes. It was even a bigger deal cos she's such a spendthrift but she managed to save quite a lota money 4 my bday. I even managed to get a lil drunk. By this time it had been more than 34 hours since i last slept and i cud barely open my eyes so instead of goin clubbin as planned with my friends i jus came home and FINALLY SLEPT!!

I think the best part of my bday was the movie with my baby and the picture takin session and well the plans they didn't materialize at all.....moral of the story its the unplanned stuff that happens in your life that u enjoy the most.

Also i think overall this last year was really amazin i grew up by leaps and bounds. I won't deny i had my lows but when i look bak its the fun times that i really remember. I just wanna thank God for the amazin year and everything that it had to offer. I just hope the year ahead is even better and God's alway by my side like he has been.

Rest in peace Pabhiji

My grandmother passed away yesterday. And i am just feelin really low. I am not sure why......I was not really close to her. Infact as a child i thot that she didn't like me. I don't know why i am so mad rite now. I think a part of me just feels that maybe i shud hav atleast made an effort to hav a relationship with her. I think i always thot i will sumday in the future and now there is no future. Also the fact that i didn't really visit her much in her last days has filled me with immense guilt. I think i am sad not because she passed away it think its more because of the way she died. God i wudn't wish a death like this to my worse enemy. She was suffering soo much, she wud just keep screaming and cursing cos of the immense pain. In the end i think every1 was just waiting for her to die. Honestly i didn't think that , not even when i went to see her on her last day. But that changed a couple of hours later when the doctor told us that she had very lil time left. All of us surrounded her on her bed. And everybody just kept askin has she left us yet. Thats when i wished and i prayed and called my daarji ( my grandad who left us 10 yrs bak) to just take her now. I saw her breathe her last breath. I did cry when they took her for cremation but then i am a cry baby so thats kinda given. But it was because i realised wat had becum of her. God just pls don't let any1 die like this ever again. I read this in the paper today and it just made so much sense-

" Life neither begins nor ends anywhere. It's eternal. Wat we call life is just an association with a certain body. And wat we call death is nothing but getting out of the body and that concept. Life is never ending; death is just a part of it. Actually death is a process of continuous revival. a means of resurrection!"

Little Wonder!!

I hope u had a gr8 Diwali i surely did and one of the reasons being that this was the 1st Diwali of my nephew lil baby Kaaraj. He turned 4 months on Diwali. This is a pic of my lil wonder with my sis. Baby ko pls nazar mat lagana Ok. Happy Diwali once again!!

My mid twenties crisis is over !!

The fact that i have been writing more often lately may suggest that maybe i have nuthin to do.......which is indeed true......... lol!!! Actually all my projects are almost done and my exams are about to start soon. I am not really a magu kinda person, i don't mind stayin up all nite for a project but i just can't get myself to muggin stuff. About my mid twenties crisis blog that i wrote last time - I hav decided to follow my heart:-)
I heard this thing on tv last nite and i completely luved it so i have to mention it in my blog

The joy in life is not about hearing sum1 say “I Luv U” but its about being able to say “I Luv U” every time u feel like without thinking twice.

(Sumthing like that ). And that is exactly why i remember to say it myself everyday. Well wat the heck nobody else is sayin it and i am not gonna wait to find sum1 to whom i can say it.

Ok another one of my favorite television quotes

When I die and when I am gone, a child will be born in this world to carry on.

This ones actually from one of my all time favorite Tv shows ever Ally Mcbeal. See there was this guys whom Ally had been in luv with ever since she was a little girl - Billy. And when Billy died she said this at his funeral. By the way Billy's death was my saddest television moment ever. I can't tell u how much i cried. It was almost as if I was in luv with him As u can see I luv television, i truly do with all my heart......hehe lol!

As i had mentioned earlier that i hav becum super borin these days. And i have traced the cause of this abnormal behavior which by the way is lack of alcohol. So i hav decided its high time i got drunk........cheers!!!


26th Oct, 2008

Just an update, the alcohol therapy soo worked. I am feelin sooooooooooo much better now. So i have decided that i am gonna get drunk atleast once in 2 months.............lol:-)
Also this time i watched wat came out of mouth and i am happy to inform u all that not only did i becum more interesting to talk to when i was drunk but was intelligent enough even then to do sum serious mathematical calculations which my friends who weren't even drunk cudn't do ( its a different story that they are not very bright). Thats it for now, a very HAPPY DIWALI to one and all!!!

The MAN FAST is over

I really need to clear my head. I am so confused rite now i can't even tell u. See i thot i had this all figured out. Well it turns out i was obviously very wrong. Everything was goin fine until i bumped into my bothers friend. We were exchangin the usual pleasantries when he mentioned that he got engaged and thats when i got to thinkin....this guy by the way is three years younger than me and HE'S ENGAGED!!!! I can't help thinkin that these bachha log are gettin married and hell i am not even seein any1. Not that i want to. There are various reasons as to why i don't want to.....the 1st being i really don't want to divert my attention from my studies rite now ( Yes I am a geek get over it!) and the 2nd one is that i havn't met any1 i wud feel like bein with (and even if i do he'd hav wait for my MBA to get over). Anyways the point here is I personally am not in a place where i'd want marriage but all of a sudden i hav started feelin this immense peer pressure.
As per my calculations the rite time for me to meet sum1 wud be a year from now. But wat if i don't meet sum1. Then wat? I'd hav to go for an arranged marriage which i really don't want to. And by the time i decide to go for an arrange marriage i'd be too old for my community standards and then i'll have to settle for an old hag ( its bad enough that he'd be a sardar). So basically i am screwed. And guess wat i jus realised that i wasted bloody 6 six goddamn years on that full of shit ex boyfriend of mine and wat if the next one turns out like him as well or even worse. That wud be another 6 years down the drain . And i will be an old hag myself by then..............phew!!!!!!!!!!!
So basically the only way out here is to find sum1 NOW!!! But i don't wanna do that......so wat the heck am i supposed to do?????? I was jus talkin abt this whole thing with a friend of mine and she said i shud join sum club u know to meet new people but i am not that desperate so i am obviously not doin that. But u know wat that man fast that i have been on is officially over. GOD JUST HELP ME OUT HERE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't tell u how restless i have been thinkin about these crappy thots i barely slept last night. U know the worse part is that i am a loser + jerk magnet, there hasn't been a single one of this combination that i havn't attracted. Also the thing about marriage is i don't know if i am marriage material. I am a stubborn ass who'll never adjust. And most importantly my parent's not so gr8 marriage and my Oh so disgusting last relationship have together contributed to me being completely averse to relationships in general. Cud i be more confused?.......i don't think so. My head is spinning......
The basic question here is shud i listen to my heart here or my head ? Shud i stick to the societal norms or shud i just do wat i feel like ? My heart says hav faith u'll meet Mr. Right sooner or later, my head says that stupid heart has already caused u a lot of pain so just take the easy road here and just let your family find sum1 for u without wastin any more time. I don't really listen to my parents actually, never have and probably never will. They jus don't get me so i just wonder how can sum1 who barely knows me find the rite person for me. And most importantly wat about my dream of travellin around the world. I don't wanna be tied down to sum1 when i do that. I really hav no clue about wat i shud do next........
U know wat screw it i am jus gonna do wat i had planned b4 i met this stupid guy!!!!!

There's hole in my Soul.... and i don't know wat to do!!

I hav been feelin super lost lately. Sum how my life seems without any purpose. I know its just a phase but i just don't know wat i wanna do with my life anymore. And since my sis fell sick i hav becum super anti-social. My friends have to literally drag me to get out of the house to go out. And even when i do that i do it very half heartedly. All i need is a good book, sum good music and my Gudia's company and i am content. Thats how boring i hav becum. I think that i hav passed that phase in life where u wanna party, stay out all nite and get drunk with your friends. Sum how these things just don't seem fun any more. So basically i hav becum a super bore.. Stuff in college too doesn't feel challenging enough. For the 1st time in my 1 in a half years of MBA i didn't work on a project of mine. I thot for a change i'll let others do the slogging. See but the thing is the next day i felt sooooo bloody guilty about it and even though my group scored the highest i felt like loser. So i have realized that takin a bak seat is obviously not my cup of tea. I just feel lik nuthings exciting enough in my life any more. I miss traveling....its been almost 2 months and i haven't gone anywhere and i probably won't even be able b4 dec. I don't know why i am just not as big a fan of Mumbai anymore. I feel like i just don't wanna live here anymore. Since i hav cum bak from Seattle i feel like i wanna live in a more serene place where u feel like u wake up every morning in the lap of mother nature. Hell i found Ahmedabad more peacefull than Mumbai. Yesterday the cabi's and autowala's of Mumbai were on a strike and i know i shudn't be sayin this but the city seemed so much more peaceful and less cluttered man. See i had planned to travel once my MBA gets over but now i am just not sure if can leave my sis with my parents. And man that sux!!

This song by Nelly Furtado pretty much say wat i am feelin these days

I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away
I don’t know where my soul is,
I don’t know where my home is

Ok this part of this blog basically has certain confessions that i want to make.....

1. I think one of the worse things that i hav done in my life is not be a part of the festivities of one of my best friends weddin. I had just broken up then and i was so consumed with sadness about a stupid relationship that i failed to celebrate with her the relationship that will last her a lifetime. And even though i hav apologized to her and the amazin person that she is she never held it against me in the 1st place, the guilt of this stays on and probably always will.

2. I am one of the worse grandchilds on this planet. My grandmom has been ill for a long time now. Infact her health has detoriated so that much that she doesn't remember any1 or anything and her body size is literally 1/4th of wat it use to be. And i am a coward who just feels like cryin everytime i see her so i jus don't visit her anymore.

3. I had this basic rule in my head that never hit on sum1 when u know sum1 else likes that person. And i broke it. Never the less nuthin good came out of it. And how cud it cos u can never be happy if it means makin sum1 else sad at the expense of your happiness. I never got the chance of apologize to this person and i probably never will so i think i am takin this one to my grave.

4. Ignoring my baby is one of the worse things i hav ever done and i jus pray to god that i never do it again...


Recently i saw how people crack under pressure and how such situations can get the worse out of u. Its only in such situations that a person with a good soul stands out and the not so gr8 human beings show their true color. I just want myself to remember this - In this whole being a good human being thing don't let others take your good nature for granted. Be nice to those who are nice to u and be a bitch those who are just shit heads and deserve it!!! Cos in the end its better to say things one their face than to hold it within u and later regret not sayin wat u felt. Just remeber this-

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put ‘em in quotations

Say what you need to say !

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you only could . . .

Say what you need to say !

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say !

I went for this interview a couple of days bak ( the dude needed sum1 with a couple of yrs of experience i don't know he even called me) and the guy who was takin the interview asked me this cliche question - So do y hav any marriage plans? Wat the bloody heck, its only in India that people question a womens dedication towards her work. Seriously I just felt like smacking the guy. And even if i do hav marriage plans does that mean that i will start suckin at my job. You know wat its official i hate men. Period!!!

I am sick and tired.....

Two things hav happened bak to bak and they hav completely sucked the energy out of me. I just wanna hav one day where i am not worried about sumthing. I feel like i am fighting with people around me all the time. Fighting at home for my loved ones fighting in college to be heard...god knows when this will end. Not that i quit easily but sumtimes one just needs a break from all this. My college fest was a mess, it was completely mismanaged. And i realized that these festivals are fun only when are a mere spectator and not a part of the whole organizing shit. Hell i barely got to attend any of the fun stuff in the audi. My event went Ok. This time around i did sumthing i hav always wanted to do. U know how u always dream of doing sumthing and then when u finally get to it -its like i don't know the wat the big deal was about this whole thing. More than the dream itself it is the thrill u feel when u are on your way to get there thats exciting. Do i wanna do it again i don't know maybe but i am glad i did it alteast once. Also the whole dancing on stage thing -well i have had sum disastrous experiences in the past but this time it was a piece of cake. I think i was so busy i didn't hav the time to be nervous or anything at all. I just did my dance and then within mins was bak to my event. But thanx to this stupid fest i ended up ignoring sum1 who is far more important than any fest on this planet......my sis. I was so preoccupied in my own world i 4got to see how her health was deteriorating and finally we had to admit her in a hospital. I am not sure if i'll ever forgive myself for this. I hav always known this but sum how i just didn't wanna accept it....i jus assured myself that sooner or later my parents will cum around. I think after this incident i am sure that i am the only parent she's got. I just kept tellin myself that i am there for her emotionally and thats wat matters. I guess i didn't wanna take up the responsibility. But now i know that i hav to be her parent in every way possible, she is my responsibility. I think the worse thing for any parent on this planet is to see their child in pain .....and its even worse when u know that it happened cos u ignored your child. The guilt of this will stay with me for the rest of my life. She's bak home now and i don't wanna leave her side even for a second.
People in my family just keep fallin sick man. These last couple of months hav been horrible for my family healthwise. 1st it was my dad, my mom's always sick anyways and now my sis. And i am the one who has to pick up the pieces and look after every1. I wonder who the hell will take care of me if i fall sick. Seriously God there is no one so u better make sure that i don't. Sumtimes i just feel jealous that my brother is away from all this and i am left to do all the work. I cud seriously use sum help u know.
I had just gotten bak from Delhi ( had gone there for a weddin) and the blast happened. God when is this all gonna end. These things happen so regulary that people don't even react to them anymore. I hav been feelin a lil sick myself lately but i jus keep tellin my self - Get yourself together cos u hav no time to fall sick.
A couple of weeks bak i was gettin bak home from college i had just crossed the road to reach my place when i heard a scream. This women was crossing the road behind me and she was hit by a car so badly that she literally flew from one end of the road to the other. That bastard driver didn't even stop for a second and jus fled the scene. I think as a reflex i jus ran towards her and tried to get her on the footpath. People are so inhuman bloody no1 came forward 2 help. And if that was not enough when i took her to the hospital those asses refused to admit her. I felt so bloody helpless i can't tell u. Then these 2 guys appeared from no where and threated to complain about the hospital if they didn't admit her. The hospital took forever to help us and when they finally did they said that they'd jus give 1st aid so we shud call an ambulance and move her sumwhere else. It had gotten late and i didn't know anybody who cud help us. In the meanwhile the doctors told us that the lady might hav damaged her brain and broken her legs. One of the two guys got hold of sum1 who owned a hospital nearby through sum contact and we moved her. Trust me when i say this- this guy was truly an angel, If he wasn't there i am not sure wat wud hav happened. Anyways i came bak home and this guy called me up and asked me to cum to the hospital cos the police needed my statement. But it had gotten late so i told him i'd cum in the morning. It jus wasn't possible. I felt so guilty about not goin....seriouly am just ashamed. I just thot i am feelin so gulity abt this i hope the guy who's hit her atleast has half this guilt. How can u almost kill sum1 and not care. Anyways she didn't regain consciousness even the next day so we cudn't find her family. But then a miracle happened . Sum1 who had cum 2 see a patient on the next bed to hers recognized her. And called the family she was livin with. She was a maid in his family's house but this family turned out to be so amazin they kept here in the same hospital and paid for all her expenses and even her operation. If only there were more people like this in the world. She is doin much better now and i feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my chest. i think this single incident showed me how ruthless people can be and also that there are good people int this world. Needless to say i jus hope i don't hav to see a hospital for a long time now...

4/10/08

I bloody hell jinxed it the day after i wrote this blog my sis fell ill again and guess where we ended up in ........well u r rite the hospital. Ergggggg!!!

Trying hard to be a better human being

I am back from another vacation. I know u must be thinkin she's on vacation all the time well wat can i say i guess i hav been travellin a lot this year . Anyways the long weekend gave me a chance to visit Ahemadabad. But this trip was for educational purposes. I had always wanted to experience student life in a hostel. So when i got the opportunity to go to MICA for a couple of days i just cudn't let it go...

I must say the city of Ahemadabad is full of temples and mosques. I always prefer to explore a city on foot and thats exactly wat i tried to do but my classmates were not really into the whole walking thing. When we reached Ahemadabad we were told that "its been raining here for the past four days" but during my stay there it didn't even rain once and it got really hot and humid. Hell the tan that i got is worse than the one i had when i got bak from Goa. The old and the new city are connected by various bridges. The old city is really crowded while the new city is more quite and cleaner. I actually really liked the new city cos that's where we were staying and if it wasn't for my not so gr8 experience on my last day in Ahemadabad I wud hav luved the place even more. I must say i felt kinda ignorant cos i wasn't really expecting the infrastructure there to be as developed as it turned out. Even the people out there were pretty modern and i luved the fact that it was a safe place for girls so that they cud stay out late.

People in Ahemadabad luv food. Every nook and corner of the city has a restaurant or a food stall. And the food there is pretty cheap as compared to what we get in Mumbai. I must say i didn't find a single empty restaurant out there. I saw so much food in Ahemadabad that by the time we came bak i cud just puke at the sight of food. And they put soooo much shudya ghee in everything baap re! No wonder most gujju's are fat. I visited the Akshyadham temple in Gandhinagar and i jus fell in luv with the place. U can actually spend a whole day there but i didn't hav enough time so i missed the exhibitions. Now i can't wait to see the one in Delhi. One of my favorite places in Ahemadabad was the Hatheesingh temple. There we 50 small temples inside this one temple.

I know i am gonna sound like a geek but i hav to say that my most fav place in Ahemadabad was IIM A. I went there with 2 of my classmates and all three of us were in awe of that place man. The library there was soo bloody huge. I had this huge smile on my face and butterflies in my stomach the whole time i was there. I don't know just visitin a place like that makes u feel like man there is so much i hav yet to accomplish in life.

On the day we were supposed to leave a curfew was declared in the city. There were sum shoot outs in the old city and unfortunately for us were were visitin a mosque there. The situation was really chaotic and again it made me feel how unsafe our country has gotten.

This trip also gave me the chance to interact with students from different MBA colleges from all over the country and one thing that it made me realize was that just because sumbody is from an IIM or an ISB doesn't mean that they are smarter or better than us. Infact i was kinda let down, i kinda expected students from these institutes to be super smart with amazin ideas and presentation skills. Also i met a couple of really sweet guys, u know the bhola bhala kind who are sho sweet and innocent. I didn't think people like those still existed. Atleast they don't in Mumbai. I think this city makes people ruthless. People don't care about anybody here. I mean how many time have u walked past a man lying on the road or the station platform without even giving it a 2nd thot. Countless i am guessing. And i am not blaming u, hell i am one of them....

I miss being in a relationship sumtimes. I miss havin sum1 to talk 2 when i get bak home really late and exhausted. I think what i miss the most is being able to say i luv u b4 i go to sleep. Its so liberating when u can express yourself freely. I think i miss that. But i doubt i'll even be able to do that again. I think i am gonna be supper hesitant about expressin myself in the future. Do u ever feel like u were a better person when i u were younger? i do all the time. You know that innocence and the purity of heart and a clear conscious, i don't think i have it in me any more. Sumtimes i look bak at the things i did in the past and wonder how i had the heart to do them. I don't think i hav that feelin of unconditional love for people around me either. In case u r wondering wat happened to me? Life did.
I try everyday to be a better human being but sumhow it just doesn't feel good enough.

I am in luv again....and this time its not a guy but a city!!

Finally i get the time to write!! Life's been super busy the last couple of days and this is all thanks to my extended holiday. Ended up missin college cos of it and then when i got bak i was flooded with work. There is soooooooooooo much to write. If u think my blogs are long wait till u read this one cos its gonna be super long. So here it goes....

I wanna start with what happened yesterday. It was jus another one of those days when i had a presentation and like always my team members were slackers so i ended up doin eveythin from the ppt to the soft copy and even the presentation ( One person was supposed to represent the whole teams and guess who was chosen well daa ME!). But the only difference was that this presentation was in front of the whole MBA batch ..which meant a huge crowd. Anyways i did my homework well as always and finally when i went up there i kinda felt realllllllllly nervous for the 1st minute or so but then it went well kinda OK. So after the presentation got over the Prof. gave us his feedback. And then everythin that happenned is kind of a blurr ...he said sum really gr8 things about how i did the presentation, he said sumthing about my voice and my confidence. Don't really remember much all i remember is i had a huge smile on my face and every1 was clapping and it felt gr8. I give my all to almost all my presentations and finally it felt like i was gettin my dues, it was one of the best feelings ever. This is gonna be a day i'll probably remember always!!!!!!

Ok next on my agenda is my Professor Dr. H.S.Cheema. Well he resigned and left our coll a couple of days bak. And this part of the blog is dedicated to him. Cheema Sir or Cheemu was not really that good at the teachin stuff but thats cos he had other stuff to take care of. He was the Soul behind our College festival and i still remember last year the audi was soo packed that there was no room to even stand and every student out there was yellin Cheema rocks ( and most of them weren't even from our college).Basically Cheema Sir bought the entertainment factor, he was the person we cud go to when we had any problem whatsoever. He literally was like a father figure thats why many of us lovingly called him Cheema Papa ( which is so ironic cos in coll Cheema Sir had 120 students callin him papa but at home there's none cos Cheema sir has no kids of his own). I guess thats the reason he luved us like we were his own. When Cheema Sir saw Chak De he was so inspired that he organised a case study discussion on it and called the press and media for it ( I was chosen to be a part of the case study by Cheemu) And he even got the movie's CD to college and watched it with us. Infact the punch line for our fest last year was CHAK DE MUMBAI!!!!! Hell he even walked the ramp with us in the fashion show. He specially went and bought a leather jacket for it. Thats our Cheema Papa for u a darling human being without whom its hard to imagine how our coll. We organized a farewell for Cheemu and trust me most of us had tears in our eyes along with Cheemu himself. We cudn't really undersderstand why he was leavin. The next day he organized a farewell for us where he treated 120 students to chinese food and personally wrote cards for each one of us andegave them out himself ( I din't go cos it made me too sad). Cheema Sir we luv u and trust me when i say u'll always be the 1st person i'll remember when i think of this college.

Ok so now about my holiday. We'll i hav gone to the US a no. of times and this was definetly better than all my other trips there, expect for the last few days of my trip which were well not that good. There are 2 sides to this trip well 1. I felt a dissconnect with sumone i luv 2. I connected with sum1 i hav always luved and never got the chance to spend time with. Seattle by the way is so beautiful that i jus fell in luv with that city and honestly i can't wait to back. I was stayin there at my maasi's place and she lived in the suburbs. We cud actually see the snow clad mountains from her place. And the air was so pure and fresh sumthin we don't get in Mumbai anymore. I am a photography freak and trust me when i say this the place was a photographer's paradise cos the place was so beautiful that i din't even hav to try to take good pic. I must have taken more than 700 pics in the 20 days that i was there. For sumtime now even before my trip i have been thinkin whether i want to stay in Mumbai for the rest of my life and whether this is the kinda place i wanna raise my kids in. Don't get my wrong i luv Mumbai but its just there soo much of traffic, pollution and actually so much of everythin man..and most of all i question our safety here these days. The other days i was at the station at around 9.30 pm and there were more than 20 policemen out there lookin for sumthim. And the day before that i was goin by bus and the police stopped my bus and searched the belongings of a lota ppl and trust me it was scary. Infact there was this old Muslim guy with a cap on his head and they checked his belongings inside out. Ok maybe i am exaggerating a little but the point is are we safe here!! I don't know maybe i am over reacting but u know how i always felt that Mumbai is where i wud wanna live always i jus don't feel that anymore. I seriously don't know where i wanna be and wht i wanna do. Anyways back to the trip the reason i really wanted to go for this trip was cos i'd get to see my brother. See but the thing is things don't always go the way we expect them to. I felt such a disconnect with him that i can't even tell u. I don't know maybe distance plays its part and affects every relationship. But he was bondin well with my sis it was jus me. I was so frustrated i jus didn't know how to reach out to him. And he was with us only for 4 days. I think on the last day i jus gave up. I jus kept cryin the whole time on the day he was leavin. And honestly it was not cos he was leavin i hav gotten use to life without him now it was cos i cudn't believe we had grown apart so much....
The good part of this trip was i got to spend time with my maasi. I think i hav always had a special bond with her. I have always been her favorite. infact when she gave gave sum attention to my sis i kinda felt a lil jealous. She's the one who gave me my name and she the only person on this planet who calls me Simu. Jus the way she says Simu makes me feel luved. She's the most easy goin person i hav ever known. She's always had health problems but when u meet her trust me when i say this u'd think she the happiest person on this planet. I think its cos of her health problems that she appreciates life better than any of us. She's also very easy to talk to infact sumtimes i wish my own mother was more like her. Though she was not keepin well when we visited he she tried to show us around as much as she cud. A couple of days after i got back i felt really low. I got this feelin that sumthin was wrong with sum1 i luv and jus cudn't stop cryin ( i cry at the drop of a hat, i can be super sensitive sumtimes). Initially i felt maybe i was my hormones that were at it again but the feelin jus grew stronger. I had one of the most restless nights i hav ever had and the next morning we got a call from maasi. The doctors said she might hav Leukemia. She has 2 small kids yaar how can God do this. Initially i was really mad at God but now i have a feelin that everythings gonna be alrite..

By the way i hav started eating non veg again. Basically i had this wish and i thought i am gonna start once it comes true and after three long years it almost has ( I know this sounds so stupid ). But now eatin non veg makes me feel guilty now so i think i am gonna stop eatin it again. Also one of my really good friends has fallen for my best friend and now everythings a mess. Cos ever since he's told her they hav been fighting and i am stuck in between. And considering the lack of time in my life i just don't hav the time to sort things out between them. Trust me people if there's anything i hav learned from my own experience and those of people around me never date or even fal for a good friend if u want that person to always be a part of your life. Cos if there's even a 0.0001 % chance of it not workin out then its not worth loosin a friend.
Ok ppl so long for now gotta get bak to work, until next time Aasta Lavesta baby!!

I hav lost it !!!!

I think i hav lost my mind completely. I hav been hit by the baby fever. I jus really want a baby. I am sounding so stupid rite now. I went shopppin the other day and i was actually lookin at baby clothes which by the way were soooooooooooooooo cute! Thats not it, a couple of days bak we went to this family friends place and they hav a son who must be around 6-7 years old. He was so adorable, he was talkin like a grown up, showin me his drawing books and all . I jus completelly feel in in luv with. When the time came to leave i swear i felt like cryin i jus wanted to take him home with me. Everytime i look t a baby i jus feel like tkin them in my arms and gettin them home with me. Wat the hell is wrong with me ??
I jus think maybe thats it u know thats wats i am gonna need to feel complete in life. A baby and a dog is all i am gonna need. Who the hell need a boyfriend or a husband. They jus ruin things anyways. I'll adopt a baby and get a little Labrador puppy who by the way i'll name simba and thats gonna be it i guess.( Ya i know wat u r thinkin no name for the baby but the name for the puppy has already been decided. ).
And this is exactly why i feel i hav lost my mind....

I hav gotten so lazy these days....there's no end to my laziness. I get at up at around 12 in the afternoon and jus laze around the whole day. I can't wait to leave now. Also i hav realized that late nights with certain friends is fun only when we are all drunk. I hav left alcohol indefinetly. (The last time i got drunk i ended up sayin sum really nasty things to this friend of mine and the worse part was i cudn't remember wat i had said. So no alcohol for now -Never say never rite.) Anyways cumin bak to the nite out. All of us decided not 2 drink and so we sat there starin at each other's faces which were pretty blank (normally we crack up silly jokes which in the drunk state we find super funny). And then we ended up havin this serious discussion about sum shit topic which i havnt bothered to remember. Actually i do lil bit, it was sumthing on the lines of guys are like and girls are like that. So basically wat was supposed to be a fun nite turned out to be super boring. Man growing up and being responsible sux !!

I think i hav had a good life so far (touchwood). I have met sum amazin people and hav made sum amazin friends. People hav been really sweet and nice to me and i want to remember these things forever specially when i am down..

The sweetest thing sum1's ever told me- My friend Puneet once told me " I guy wud hav to be a complete fool not to want to be with u" . It was a typical sooooooooo sweet moment.

The sweetest thing sum1's ever done for me- There r so many where do i even start

1. My baby sis got this fake diamond set for me when she went for a trip in school. She must hav been like 11-12 then.
2. When i was movin to States my best friend came and stayed with me for like a week and she finally left the nite i was suppose to leave , i was crying like a baby. But her entire family came to meet me a couple of hours later and i was soo happy to see them all.
3. When i quit my job and just had week left at work my colleagues were like super nice to me. They made me fell super special even though we hadn't worked together for a very long time. Infact on my last day we all went out and they got me a cake and presents i was soo happy. Thinkin abt them always gets a smile on my face.

There are so many more but these are the ones i really like thinkin abt.

29/06/08

I don't know abt u but God sure listens to me. I wanted a lil baby in my house and guess wat god gave me one. My Bhabi had an adorable lil baby boy 2day. And he wasnt even due yet. So i am a bua now:-)

The World Can't Bring Me Down

Yes its the spiritual me again. I feel like a whole new person these days (touchwood). I am off to meet my brother in a couple of days and i am super excited. All the reading that i have been doing has really done me a lot of good. This blog is for the young kids out there who feel like they aren't worthy of bein loved.
The reason why i am writing this blog is cos i was one them a couple of years back.

As we get older we realise that a lot of people are trying to put us down, make us feel like we arn't good enough. But thats how things work in this world of ours. The key is to believe in yourself no matter what any1 says. Know yourself well enough so that you know wat your weaknesses are and work on them. If you know yourself well enough you'll know wat to listen to and wat to ignore. Nobody is perfect but u are a smart peson if you constantly work to improve yourself. I remember this conversation i had with a person i was really close to where he told me that " you are too stupid to think for yourself so thats why i have to tell you wat to do". I think i'll remember it for the rest of my life. Its only now i realize that i don't need friends like these who try to put me down at every opportunity they get. It very important to surround yourself with positive people.
There was this game that everybody at my work played and i jus wanted to see wat the whole fuss was about so i tried my hand at it too. I enjoyed it a lot and one day i decided that i am goin to have the highest score in this game. So i played it day in and day out. I played it when i was at work i played it when i was at home until finally i got the highest score. This actually helped me realize that i can achieve anythin in life if i jus put my mind to it. I never really bothered to ask if sombody beat my score (i like to believe i am the undefeated champ). The point of this story is that if i can so can u. So wat if nobody believes in your dreams, so wat if nobody thinks that u have it in u. Like Will Smith said in the movie The Pursuit of Happiness - Don't let anybody tell that u can't do sumthing. Protect your dreams. People tell you that u can't do it cos the truth is they themselves can't do it. ( Sumthing like that )

People can't wait to fall in love these days. But the truth is before you luv sum1 else you have to luv yourself. Like i said nobody is perfect but work on yourself and be the person that you hav the potential to be. If you don't luv yourself then how can u expect sum1 else to? Sum1 has a big nose, sum1 has bad eyesight & sum1 has a big forehead. Accept everything about yourself and don't give a damn when sum1 points it out. Because at the end of the day there is more to each one of us than we appear and all of us are unique in sum way or the other. Trust me when i say this that if you can't be happy by yourself you'll never be happy even when u hav sum1. Be the best person u can be and live every single day like its your last.

We all have to go thru hardtimes. But thats jus god's way of helpin us grow as human beings. I can honestly say that i felt i grew more as a person in hardtimes than it good ones. These times jus test how strong your are as a person and get the best out of you. I luv this line from the movie Rocky Balboa- Its not about how hard you get hit but its about how you pick yourself up everytime you get hit really hard.
(watchin good movies and reading good books, i am soo livin the life). I think a person who doesn't learn anything from his mistakes is the biggest fool. Learn from your mistakes, move on and don't fret about it.

I wanna end this blog with this beautiful song by Christina Aguilera

Everyday is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain,
I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness,
The pieces gone,
Left the puzzle undone,
Ain't that the way it is?

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, no, no
Cause you are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring you down, oh, no
So don't you bring me down today

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what we say
(no matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune
(yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
(and everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(sun will always, always shine)
But tomorrow we might awake
On the other side

'Cause we are beautiful,
No matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down...
Mmm, today

I am sellin my Ferrari..

This vacation has turned out better than i expected. Finally i am gettin the time to read all the books that i hav always wanted. For starters i just finished readin The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. Though i had read the book earlier but sum how this time it just made more sense. I think its all abt timing. I am in a good place personally rite now where jus wanna try to be the best person i can be. And my spiritual side has completely taken over. I think my belief in God almighty is reinforced further with every passing day. I hav tried to work on myself and be a better person in the past as well, but then it was always for sum1. First it was for my family and then it was for the person i fell for but this time its just for ME. All those who know me will agree when i say that my self confidence has increased tremendously in the past year or so but sumwhere i feel there is still a long way to go. We all have sum insecurities but i want to reach a stage where i hav none. Also i jus want to rid myself of all the negativity so i hav worked to be able to forgive every1 who has ever done me wrong and i am almost there. I think sumwhere i had stopped growin as a person but in the last 2 years i feel like i started to grow again. Ans it feels gr8. Back to the book now. There are sum parts in The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari which are truly amazing and true to a gr8 extent. I hope i jus always remember these things i read cos i want to apply them in my day-2-day life.
I really luv this quote from the book..

'There are no mistakes in life,only lessons. There is no such thing as a negative experience, only

opportunities to grow, learn and advance along the road of selfmastery.

From struggle comes strength. Even pain can be a wonderful teacher.'

Another one of my favorite's is..

When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all of your thoughts break their

bonds: your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find

yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you

discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamed yourself to be.

Also the try this mantra when u r down - There is more to me than what appears, all the powers of the world rest within me. Trust me it works. I think its an amazing book and definetly a must read. The death bed technique is sumthing that i am really gonna try and follow. I saw an interview of the author of the book Robin Sharma sumtime bak and when u'll look at him u'll realise that he's actually practising wat he's preachin. He jus looks like on e of those monks described in the book.

My results for the 2nd sem came out and they were better than i expected. I hav been consistent but now its time to grow and test my limits.

Sometimes its better to give up......

I jus finished readin The Kite Runner the other day. I think its one of the most depressin books i hav ever read. U hav no i dea how sad i felt at the end of this book. I am the kind of person who laughs out loud when i read sumthin funny and cry when i read sumthin sad. But i wasnt jus cryin when i was readin this book i was sobbing like sumbody had died or sumthing. No kidding. Infact my poor sis thot that maybe sumthin had happ that thats why i was so down. Ok now enough abt me. I think the book has been very well written, the author Khaled Hosseni doesnt waste time on unnecessary descriptions ( I u hav read Gone with the wind then u'll know wat i am talkin abt) and i luv that. Also one on reasons i decided to read this book was becuse after readin Shantaram i really wanted to know more abt Afghanistan. There is so much more to that contry than terrorism and its such a pity that the world doesn't know it. Their culture is kinda similar to our Indian culture. I think i wud luv to meet an afghan an get to know more abt the country. You get an idea about the spirit of the country thru the character of Amir 's baba (the main protagonist of the book). I think the part abt the book that made me really sad was not the war and the destruction it caused but the part where Hassan the adorable little boy gets raped and then years later his son is raped by the same man. For sumboby who like me jus luvs children that was too much to take. Also in a way the book's tryin to say that we all hav our demons and we hav to face them sooner or later so no point runin from them.

This is one of may fav parts of the book

He smiled. “Sit with me, Amir agha.”
I dropped next to him, lay on a thin patch of snow, wheezing. “You’re wasting our time. It was
going the other way, didn’t you see?”
Hassan popped a mulberry in his mouth. “It’s coming,” he said. I could hardly breathe and he
didn’t even sound tired.
“How do you know?” I said.
“I know.”
“How can you know?”
He turned to me. A few sweat beads rolled from his bald scalp. “Would I ever lie to you, Amir
agha?”
Suddenly I decided to toy with him a little. “I don’t know. Would you?”
“I’d sooner eat dirt,” he said with a look of indignation.
“Really? You’d do that?”
He threw me a puzzled look. “Do what?”
“Eat dirt if I told you to,” I said. I knew I was being cruel, like when I’d taunt him if he didn’t know
some big word. But there was something fascinating--albeit in a sick way--about teasing Hassan.
Kind of like when we used to play insect torture. Except now, he was the ant and I was holding the
magnifying glass.
His eyes searched my face for a long time. We sat there, two boys under a sour cherry tree,
suddenly looking, really looking, at each other. That’s when it happened again: Hassan’s face
changed. Maybe not _changed_, not really, but suddenly I had the feeling I was looking at two faces,
the one I knew, the one that was my first memory, and another, a second face, this one lurking just
beneath the surface. I’d seen it happen before--it always shook me up a little. It just appeared, this
other face, for a fraction of a moment, long enough to leave me with the unsettling feeling that maybe
I’d seen it someplace before. Then Hassan blinked and it was just him again. Just Hassan.
“If you asked, I would,” he finally said, looking right at me. I dropped my eyes. To this day, I find it
hard to gaze directly at people like Hassan, people who mean every word they say.
“But I wonder,” he added. “Would you ever ask me to do such a thing, Amir agha?” And, just like
that, he had thrown at me his own little test. If I was going to toy with him and challenge his loyalty,
then he’d toy with me, test my integrity.
I wished I hadn’t started this conversation. I forced a smile. “Don’t be stupid, Hassan. You know I
wouldn’t.”
Hassan returned the smile. Except his didn’t look forced. “I know,” he said. And that’s the thing
about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.


I think its so true that people who mean wat they say expect the same from others. I think i made the same mistake. Just because sombody says sumthin doesnt mean that they actually mean it. Many think its very naive to expect the same from people but i think its more about how pure your soul or your conscious is. Some people jus don't hav a clear conscious and for sum1 like me its very hard to believe that cos sumhow a part of me jus refuses to believe that a person can be that bad. And that part jus keeps hopin that there has to be sumthing nice in this person maybe i just havn't seen it yet. And that is the reason why i dont give up on people or relatioships that easily. But now i hav learned to ignore that voice within me cos its jus not worth putin yourself thru crap to find goodness in others...

Wat i really luved about afghans is the way they talk with so much luv and respect for the other person. This part where Rahim Khan Amir's beloved uncle writes him a letter tellin him to let go of the past is very beautifully written, i jus luv the language.

Amirjan, _Inshallah_, you have reached this letter safely. I pray that I have not put you in harm’s
way and that Afghanistan has not been too unkind to you. You have been in my prayers since the
day you left. You were right all those years to suspect that I knew. I did know. Hassan told me shortly
after it happened. What you did was wrong, Amir jan, but do not forget that you were a boy when it
happened. A troubled little boy. You were too hard on yourself then, and you still are--I saw it in your
eyes in Peshawar. But I hope you will heed this: A man who has no conscience, no goodness, does
not suffer. I hope your suffering comes to an end with this journey to Afghanistan.

It so true that maybe sum people jus hav no good within them.....but i person with a good conscious jus has a very hard time believing that.

His face twisted and strained to stay composed. “Father used to say it’s wrong to hurt even bad
people. Because they don’t know any better, and because bad people sometimes become good.”
“Not always, Sohrab.”
He looked at me questioningly.
“The man who hurt you, I knew him from many years ago,” I said. “I guess you figured that out that
from the conversation he and I had. He... he tried to hurt me once when I was your age, but your
father saved me. Your father was very brave and he was always rescuing me from trouble, standing
up for me. So one day the bad man hurt your father instead. He hurt him in a very bad way, and I... I
couldn’t save your father the way he had saved me.”
“Why did people want to hurt my father?” Sohrab said in a wheezy little voice. “He was never mean
to anyone.”
“You’re right. Your father was a good man. But that’s what I’m trying to tell you, Sohrab jan. That
there are bad people in this world, and sometimes bad people stay bad. Sometimes you have to
stand up to them. What you did to that man is what I should have done to him all those years ago.
You gave him what he deserved, and he deserved even more.”

Break Up Specialist...

Well if u r wonderin wats with the weird title thats the name given to me by friends. Lately i have been advisin people on how to work things out in their relationships ( ya like i know anythin abt workin things out in one!). I have even gone shoppin for the corniest stuff with one of my friends ( heart shaped cards, teddy bears, etc..) which by the way was excruciatingly painful. So anyways one of my friends was really down that the guy she was dating immediately started dating sum1 else after they broke up and this really sweet thing popped up in my head to make her fell better, so I told her maybe you luved him so much that he got use to the bein luved and thats y he went for the 1st person he came across who he felt will luv him. Maybe u got him addicted to luv!!!
Thats how conry i can be....lol. But at the end of the day she felt better so wat the heck!

Kuch is Tarah:-)

I absolutely luv this track by Atif Aslam, the 1st time I heard this track it gave me goose bumps......

Kuch is tarah … teri palakein,
Meri palkon se mila de

Aansoo tere … saare,
Meri palkon pe saja de

Kuch is tarah … teri palakein,
Meri palkon se mila de

Aansoo tere … saare,
Meri palkon pe saja de

Tu har ghadi … har waqt,

mere saath raha hai

Haan yeh jism … kabhi door,
kabhi paas raha hai

Jo bhi gam … hai yeh tere,
unhe tu mera pata de

Kuch is tarah … teri palakein,
Meri palkon se mila de

Aansoo tere … saare,
Meri palkon pe saja de

Mujhko to tere … chehare pe,
Yeh gham nahi janchta

Jayaaz nahi lagta,
mujhe gham se tera rishta

Sun meri guzarish ise chehar se hata de !!!!!!!!!
Sun meri guzarish ise chehar se hata de !!!!!!!!!

Kuch is tarah … teri palakein,
Meri palkon se mila de

Aansoo tere … saare,
Meri palkon pe saja de

Good things do happen to good people.......after all!!

Finally sumthing positive on this blog.....ehh. Well what can say, i guess i generally end up writtin when i am low or down or when i am feelin kinda silly.

Anyways sumthin gr8 has happened to this amazin human being i know and i am soooooooo happy for him. And this is his story...

This young boy just of 16 feel in love with a girl his age. Just fresh out of school both loved the freedom college gave them. The girl was the prettiest chick on campus and SHE was his girlfriend. But he wasn't like the rest of the guys his age, he really cared for the girl. At 16 he decided that he will marry her sumday. He tried to make her feel special in every possible way. For he thot nuthin he cud say or do wud be enough to show how much he luved he. Many other guys fancied the girl and tried to get her attention, there were times when she even got tempted. But nuthin changed how the boy felt for her. The boy worked hard in college and even took up a job cos he wanted to give his love the best of everythin when they got married. And so they continued to be together for amlost seven years..... thats when the girl walked out on him for another guy. Life sux na!! The boy was shattered, he cudnt believe wat had happened. Everyday he prayed that he'd wake and this nightmare wud be over. But thats not how life goes....i remember meetin him a year after his break up and it felt like his wounds were still fresh. I'll never forget wat he told me then, " If u ever meet her (the girl) please tell her that i forgive her for everything". I wish my heart was big as his.
Anyways life goes on, the boy decided to focus on his career. And got a job in a well known law firm (he's a lawyer). He gave up on love completely. I remember him tellin me, " I 'll jus get married to any girl mom likes now, i don't hav the heart to get into a relationship again". But things don't go as we always plan , do they. A couple of years later he fell in love again ( She was an old classmate who had a crush on him) and this time it was for keeps. She turned out to be one for him and jus a couple of days bak they got engaged!!!!!
As for the girl well her life's a mess rite now thanx to the other guy.

Moral of the story: Good things happen to good people, trust me. Also Karma can be a bitch and cum and bite u in the ass if u do sum1 wrong. SO DON'T!

I do believe in Karma very strongly and this has only reconfirmed my belief. I know that i hav been a good human being and that is the reason why god see's me through all the hard times. I really don't believe in the whole after life crap. If u hav done sum1 wrong then u'll pay for the same in this lifetime only. So people be good. Also in my friend's case he did fall in luv again, he did meet sum1 who cared for him perhaps more that he ever dreamt of. So maybe there is a possibility that people can fall in luv more than once. I hope this story gives hope to all my heart broken friends. I believe in life too there are always happy endings we just hav to hav an open mind.

P.S- Things turned out pretty good the other days, turns out i was scared for nuthin. Ya and the exhuastion has becum a way of life now, so it doesn't bother me anymore.......lol!