I hav been feelin super lost lately. Sum how my life seems without any purpose. I know its just a phase but i just don't know wat i wanna do with my life anymore. And since my sis fell sick i hav becum super anti-social. My friends have to literally drag me to get out of the house to go out. And even when i do that i do it very half heartedly. All i need is a good book, sum good music and my Gudia's company and i am content. Thats how boring i hav becum. I think that i hav passed that phase in life where u wanna party, stay out all nite and get drunk with your friends. Sum how these things just don't seem fun any more. So basically i hav becum a super bore.. Stuff in college too doesn't feel challenging enough. For the 1st time in my 1 in a half years of MBA i didn't work on a project of mine. I thot for a change i'll let others do the slogging. See but the thing is the next day i felt sooooo bloody guilty about it and even though my group scored the highest i felt like loser. So i have realized that takin a bak seat is obviously not my cup of tea. I just feel lik nuthings exciting enough in my life any more. I miss traveling....its been almost 2 months and i haven't gone anywhere and i probably won't even be able b4 dec. I don't know why i am just not as big a fan of Mumbai anymore. I feel like i just don't wanna live here anymore. Since i hav cum bak from Seattle i feel like i wanna live in a more serene place where u feel like u wake up every morning in the lap of mother nature. Hell i found Ahmedabad more peacefull than Mumbai. Yesterday the cabi's and autowala's of Mumbai were on a strike and i know i shudn't be sayin this but the city seemed so much more peaceful and less cluttered man. See i had planned to travel once my MBA gets over but now i am just not sure if can leave my sis with my parents. And man that sux!!
This song by Nelly Furtado pretty much say wat i am feelin these days
I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away
I don’t know where my soul is,
I don’t know where my home is
Ok this part of this blog basically has certain confessions that i want to make.....
1. I think one of the worse things that i hav done in my life is not be a part of the festivities of one of my best friends weddin. I had just broken up then and i was so consumed with sadness about a stupid relationship that i failed to celebrate with her the relationship that will last her a lifetime. And even though i hav apologized to her and the amazin person that she is she never held it against me in the 1st place, the guilt of this stays on and probably always will.
2. I am one of the worse grandchilds on this planet. My grandmom has been ill for a long time now. Infact her health has detoriated so that much that she doesn't remember any1 or anything and her body size is literally 1/4th of wat it use to be. And i am a coward who just feels like cryin everytime i see her so i jus don't visit her anymore.
3. I had this basic rule in my head that never hit on sum1 when u know sum1 else likes that person. And i broke it. Never the less nuthin good came out of it. And how cud it cos u can never be happy if it means makin sum1 else sad at the expense of your happiness. I never got the chance of apologize to this person and i probably never will so i think i am takin this one to my grave.
4. Ignoring my baby is one of the worse things i hav ever done and i jus pray to god that i never do it again...
Recently i saw how people crack under pressure and how such situations can get the worse out of u. Its only in such situations that a person with a good soul stands out and the not so gr8 human beings show their true color. I just want myself to remember this - In this whole being a good human being thing don't let others take your good nature for granted. Be nice to those who are nice to u and be a bitch those who are just shit heads and deserve it!!! Cos in the end its better to say things one their face than to hold it within u and later regret not sayin wat u felt. Just remeber this-
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put ‘em in quotations
Say what you need to say !
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you only could . . .
Say what you need to say !
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say !
I went for this interview a couple of days bak ( the dude needed sum1 with a couple of yrs of experience i don't know he even called me) and the guy who was takin the interview asked me this cliche question - So do y hav any marriage plans? Wat the bloody heck, its only in India that people question a womens dedication towards her work. Seriously I just felt like smacking the guy. And even if i do hav marriage plans does that mean that i will start suckin at my job. You know wat its official i hate men. Period!!!
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