Two things hav happened bak to bak and they hav completely sucked the energy out of me. I just wanna hav one day where i am not worried about sumthing. I feel like i am fighting with people around me all the time. Fighting at home for my loved ones fighting in college to be heard...god knows when this will end. Not that i quit easily but sumtimes one just needs a break from all this. My college fest was a mess, it was completely mismanaged. And i realized that these festivals are fun only when are a mere spectator and not a part of the whole organizing shit. Hell i barely got to attend any of the fun stuff in the audi. My event went Ok. This time around i did sumthing i hav always wanted to do. U know how u always dream of doing sumthing and then when u finally get to it -its like i don't know the wat the big deal was about this whole thing. More than the dream itself it is the thrill u feel when u are on your way to get there thats exciting. Do i wanna do it again i don't know maybe but i am glad i did it alteast once. Also the whole dancing on stage thing -well i have had sum disastrous experiences in the past but this time it was a piece of cake. I think i was so busy i didn't hav the time to be nervous or anything at all. I just did my dance and then within mins was bak to my event. But thanx to this stupid fest i ended up ignoring sum1 who is far more important than any fest on this planet......my sis. I was so preoccupied in my own world i 4got to see how her health was deteriorating and finally we had to admit her in a hospital. I am not sure if i'll ever forgive myself for this. I hav always known this but sum how i just didn't wanna accept it....i jus assured myself that sooner or later my parents will cum around. I think after this incident i am sure that i am the only parent she's got. I just kept tellin myself that i am there for her emotionally and thats wat matters. I guess i didn't wanna take up the responsibility. But now i know that i hav to be her parent in every way possible, she is my responsibility. I think the worse thing for any parent on this planet is to see their child in pain .....and its even worse when u know that it happened cos u ignored your child. The guilt of this will stay with me for the rest of my life. She's bak home now and i don't wanna leave her side even for a second.
People in my family just keep fallin sick man. These last couple of months hav been horrible for my family healthwise. 1st it was my dad, my mom's always sick anyways and now my sis. And i am the one who has to pick up the pieces and look after every1. I wonder who the hell will take care of me if i fall sick. Seriously God there is no one so u better make sure that i don't. Sumtimes i just feel jealous that my brother is away from all this and i am left to do all the work. I cud seriously use sum help u know.
I had just gotten bak from Delhi ( had gone there for a weddin) and the blast happened. God when is this all gonna end. These things happen so regulary that people don't even react to them anymore. I hav been feelin a lil sick myself lately but i jus keep tellin my self - Get yourself together cos u hav no time to fall sick.
A couple of weeks bak i was gettin bak home from college i had just crossed the road to reach my place when i heard a scream. This women was crossing the road behind me and she was hit by a car so badly that she literally flew from one end of the road to the other. That bastard driver didn't even stop for a second and jus fled the scene. I think as a reflex i jus ran towards her and tried to get her on the footpath. People are so inhuman bloody no1 came forward 2 help. And if that was not enough when i took her to the hospital those asses refused to admit her. I felt so bloody helpless i can't tell u. Then these 2 guys appeared from no where and threated to complain about the hospital if they didn't admit her. The hospital took forever to help us and when they finally did they said that they'd jus give 1st aid so we shud call an ambulance and move her sumwhere else. It had gotten late and i didn't know anybody who cud help us. In the meanwhile the doctors told us that the lady might hav damaged her brain and broken her legs. One of the two guys got hold of sum1 who owned a hospital nearby through sum contact and we moved her. Trust me when i say this- this guy was truly an angel, If he wasn't there i am not sure wat wud hav happened. Anyways i came bak home and this guy called me up and asked me to cum to the hospital cos the police needed my statement. But it had gotten late so i told him i'd cum in the morning. It jus wasn't possible. I felt so guilty about not goin....seriouly am just ashamed. I just thot i am feelin so gulity abt this i hope the guy who's hit her atleast has half this guilt. How can u almost kill sum1 and not care. Anyways she didn't regain consciousness even the next day so we cudn't find her family. But then a miracle happened . Sum1 who had cum 2 see a patient on the next bed to hers recognized her. And called the family she was livin with. She was a maid in his family's house but this family turned out to be so amazin they kept here in the same hospital and paid for all her expenses and even her operation. If only there were more people like this in the world. She is doin much better now and i feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my chest. i think this single incident showed me how ruthless people can be and also that there are good people int this world. Needless to say i jus hope i don't hav to see a hospital for a long time now...
4/10/08
I bloody hell jinxed it the day after i wrote this blog my sis fell ill again and guess where we ended up in ........well u r rite the hospital. Ergggggg!!!
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