Don't be your own Bully!!

OK so I can't believe I am finally writing this blog, I have been procrastinating it for like 4ever now. There are a lot of reasons why I havn't had the balls to write this blog yet. This is sumthing I had 4 gotten about actually and just recently I met sum1 who's been thru it and after talkin 2 her I felt like I have 2 write this blog....

I don't know how many of you hav heard about " Emotional Abuse" but once you find out wat it is I am sure u'll realize u know sum1 who's been thru it.

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones.

This is actually a very apt description of emotional abuse I found online. I think when sum sumone's been thru emotional abuse they sumwhere just completely loose themselves. And when the relationship gets over they feel completely lost they just have no clue what to do with themselves. Also there are a lota chances that Emotional Abuse can turn violent later. I think it all starts when u want to please the person u are with. You take their opinion for everything cos they matter, when they criticize u abt sumthing initially u think we'll atleast he or she is being honest but slowly this ends up becoming a habit. I personally believe that u can't just blame one person for such a relationship both parties are equally at fault. There's sumthing called " Classic Conditioning" in psychology which basically means u teach the mind how to behave. If sum1 insults you and u don't react to it then ur sending out the msg to his mind that its ok to do so. You have to set the ground rules rite from the start, don't take things that u won't be able to tolerate in the long run. And don't dismiss it as a one time incident which won't happen again. Trust me if u don't react it will happen again..There are so many sites online out there dedicated to Emotional Abuse and there are so many tests online as well. If you have the slightest fear that that's where ur relationship is headed then read abt it and fix it or get the hell out of it. This is sum stuff that I found online..

Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised as “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, probing, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances, however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships.

U can find a lot more of this info on : http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=168

Its been found that people who generally go thru emotional abuse are the ones who have low self-esteem and lack self- confidence. One of the reasons why I have been wanting to write abt this is because I have seen it very closely. A couple of my friends have gone thru it and sum1 in my own family is goin thru it ....And I have gone thru it. Personally I feel like if u hav been thru a relationship like this then take the time to work on ur self and don't jump into another relationship cos its very easy to repeat the same pattern. I know sum1 who's been in a series of Emotionally Abuse relationships only because she won't take the time to figure out wat is it that she's doing wrong. As I said I don't think its one person's fault. Unless and until u figure out wat u need to work on u'll keep attracting the same kind of people. And most importantly work on ur confidence and self esteem, the world is always trying to put u down anyways and when the person u luv puts u down then it becomes very difficult to stand up again. I think each and every one of us deserves to be luved for who we are but we have to believe that. Unless and until u really believe that its not gonna work out. Believe in yourself and don't be your own bully. And ALWAYS stand up for urself.

I think one of the reasons why I worked so hard in college was because I needed to prove to myself " That I can achieve watever I set my mind on" , " I am capable of being a sumbody". Trust me when I say this it worked wonders for my self confidence. I just hope that sum1 out there reads this blog and realizes that they deserve better. Trust me the whole purpose of writing this blog wud be served.....I know its difficult but u deserve better than that.

My State of Mind...

Manzil Muskil to kya,
Bundla Sahil to kya,
Tanha Ye Dil to Kya
Ho...

Raah Pe Kante Bikhre agar,
Uspe to phir bhi chalna hi hai,
Shaam Chhupale Suraj agar,
Raat ko ek din Dhalana hi hai,

Rut ye tal jayegi,
Himmat rang layegi,
Subha phir aayegi
Ho...

God are u there??

There's this thing I had wished for sumtime back and I thot if it came true I'd get sadistic pleasure out of it....well it did cum true and guess what? When I found out I felt the exact opposite of pleasure. I felt like pain in the purest form possible. It felt like sumbody just slammed a hammer over my porcelain heart. I am just so mad rite now I hav no words to describe it. I guess all wounds heal with time and so will this one. And God if u are listening - This is soo not fair and u know it ! I just soo wanna get goin with my life now. I have done everything within my power to make sure that happens. I read sumwhere that u get what u deserve and I soooo deserve this.........unless u are holding sum of my last life's sins against me. I wanna be able to live without having to ever thinkin about this again...its none of my business anyways. I don't want any of those useless dreams either, they just mess with my head. I think I am good without them. U have always been there with me and I really need u rite now.

P.S- I wish I had one of those boxing thingy's where u can just beat the shit out of it, I just need sumthing 2 vent my frustrations rite now;-(

The Witch and her chaotic life

So much has happened since I last wrote I don't even know where to start from. U know how u always have a thing that u'd wanna do once in ur lifetime but sumhow at the bak of ur mind u kinda know that u are never gonna do it. I kinda got around to doin one of those things.............. Its almost like bungee jumping ur excited about it on the way to the sight but once u reach there and look down a part of u feels like turnin around and goin bak. But I am not gonna do that atleast not now, I am shit scared no doubt but I am still gonna do it or atleat try 2 do it.

You try to run away from sumthing and u r so sick and tired of it that u try to run away as far away from it as u can and just when u think that u can relax now cos its way behind u turn around and its staring u rite in the face ( in my case in the form of a child ) which is even worse cos u obviously can't shoo a child away. I know I am not really making any sense rite now but trust me I am.....

If sumbody ever asked me at wat age did I start feelin old like aged old i'd say 24. I hve been feelin old since the exact day I turned 24. I mean as if the black spots on my face weren't bad enough I discovered a bunch of grey hair:-( and then recently injured my shoulder while I was liftin weights (which by the way is hurtin like shit even as I am writin this blog). Also I am gettin super depressed about the fact that I am the only single girl in my family now (my younger sis doesn't really count cos well I won't let her date). I mean seriously god are u kiddin me no job, no boyfriend and an almost broken shoulder. You gotta u cut me sum slack here. I mean everything else is ok BUT health is wealth yaar.

Talkin about God recently I have cum across sum people with seriosly extremist religious sentiments. Personally I am not very religious but I am very spiritual. I believe in God from within and I strongly belieive that on sum levels religion divides people. And I don't support that. I mean seriously live and let live. God is not about following a certain set of rules and forcin other's to do the same he's about livin a good life and being a good human being.

I recently read The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho , now honestly nuthin really matches up to The Alchemist cos books like those don't cum along often but it was a decent book. There are sum parts of the book which I cud completely relate with. The main protaganist in the book Athena has been described as sum1 who's not content with life. For sum people a decent career, fallin in luv and raisin a family isn't enough infact its kinda boring. They seek more challenges and hence in sum way or the other they purposely complicate their own lives as well as of those around them. I think I am one of those people. I honestly don't know whether its a good thing or not. There was a time in my life when I was so content with what I had that I cudn't hav asked for anything more but now its just the complete opposite. I think I am a restless soul who's intentiionallly seeking chaos cos in sum weird way it makes life more interesting.

Ok gotta go sleep now I guess I'll be writin more often now cos there's no Guddu here to talk with anymore. Man I miss her ok I am not gonna write any more cos its makin me a lil homesick.......