Thursday, October 30, 2008
Little Wonder!!
Friday, October 24, 2008
My mid twenties crisis is over !!
The fact that i have been writing more often lately may suggest that maybe i have nuthin to do.......which is indeed true......... lol!!! Actually all my projects are almost done and my exams are about to start soon. I am not really a magu kinda person, i don't mind stayin up all nite for a project but i just can't get myself to muggin stuff. About my mid twenties crisis blog that i wrote last time - I hav decided to follow my heart:-)
I heard this thing on tv last nite and i completely luved it so i have to mention it in my blog
(Sumthing like that ). And that is exactly why i remember to say it myself everyday. Well wat the heck nobody else is sayin it and i am not gonna wait to find sum1 to whom i can say it.
Ok another one of my favorite television quotes
This ones actually from one of my all time favorite Tv shows ever Ally Mcbeal. See there was this guys whom Ally had been in luv with ever since she was a little girl - Billy. And when Billy died she said this at his funeral. By the way Billy's death was my saddest television moment ever. I can't tell u how much i cried. It was almost as if I was in luv with him As u can see I luv television, i truly do with all my heart......hehe lol!
As i had mentioned earlier that i hav becum super borin these days. And i have traced the cause of this abnormal behavior which by the way is lack of alcohol. So i hav decided its high time i got drunk........cheers!!!
26th Oct, 2008
Just an update, the alcohol therapy soo worked. I am feelin sooooooooooo much better now. So i have decided that i am gonna get drunk atleast once in 2 months.............lol:-)
Also this time i watched wat came out of mouth and i am happy to inform u all that not only did i becum more interesting to talk to when i was drunk but was intelligent enough even then to do sum serious mathematical calculations which my friends who weren't even drunk cudn't do ( its a different story that they are not very bright). Thats it for now, a very HAPPY DIWALI to one and all!!!
I heard this thing on tv last nite and i completely luved it so i have to mention it in my blog
The joy in life is not about hearing sum1 say “I Luv U” but its about being able to say “I Luv U” every time u feel like without thinking twice.
(Sumthing like that ). And that is exactly why i remember to say it myself everyday. Well wat the heck nobody else is sayin it and i am not gonna wait to find sum1 to whom i can say it.
Ok another one of my favorite television quotes
When I die and when I am gone, a child will be born in this world to carry on.
This ones actually from one of my all time favorite Tv shows ever Ally Mcbeal. See there was this guys whom Ally had been in luv with ever since she was a little girl - Billy. And when Billy died she said this at his funeral. By the way Billy's death was my saddest television moment ever. I can't tell u how much i cried. It was almost as if I was in luv with him As u can see I luv television, i truly do with all my heart......hehe lol!
As i had mentioned earlier that i hav becum super borin these days. And i have traced the cause of this abnormal behavior which by the way is lack of alcohol. So i hav decided its high time i got drunk........cheers!!!
26th Oct, 2008
Just an update, the alcohol therapy soo worked. I am feelin sooooooooooo much better now. So i have decided that i am gonna get drunk atleast once in 2 months.............lol:-)
Also this time i watched wat came out of mouth and i am happy to inform u all that not only did i becum more interesting to talk to when i was drunk but was intelligent enough even then to do sum serious mathematical calculations which my friends who weren't even drunk cudn't do ( its a different story that they are not very bright). Thats it for now, a very HAPPY DIWALI to one and all!!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The MAN FAST is over
I really need to clear my head. I am so confused rite now i can't even tell u. See i thot i had this all figured out. Well it turns out i was obviously very wrong. Everything was goin fine until i bumped into my bothers friend. We were exchangin the usual pleasantries when he mentioned that he got engaged and thats when i got to thinkin....this guy by the way is three years younger than me and HE'S ENGAGED!!!! I can't help thinkin that these bachha log are gettin married and hell i am not even seein any1. Not that i want to. There are various reasons as to why i don't want to.....the 1st being i really don't want to divert my attention from my studies rite now ( Yes I am a geek get over it!) and the 2nd one is that i havn't met any1 i wud feel like bein with (and even if i do he'd hav wait for my MBA to get over). Anyways the point here is I personally am not in a place where i'd want marriage but all of a sudden i hav started feelin this immense peer pressure.
As per my calculations the rite time for me to meet sum1 wud be a year from now. But wat if i don't meet sum1. Then wat? I'd hav to go for an arranged marriage which i really don't want to. And by the time i decide to go for an arrange marriage i'd be too old for my community standards and then i'll have to settle for an old hag ( its bad enough that he'd be a sardar). So basically i am screwed. And guess wat i jus realised that i wasted bloody 6 six goddamn years on that full of shit ex boyfriend of mine and wat if the next one turns out like him as well or even worse. That wud be another 6 years down the drain . And i will be an old hag myself by then..............phew!!!!!!!!!!!
So basically the only way out here is to find sum1 NOW!!! But i don't wanna do that......so wat the heck am i supposed to do?????? I was jus talkin abt this whole thing with a friend of mine and she said i shud join sum club u know to meet new people but i am not that desperate so i am obviously not doin that. But u know wat that man fast that i have been on is officially over. GOD JUST HELP ME OUT HERE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't tell u how restless i have been thinkin about these crappy thots i barely slept last night. U know the worse part is that i am a loser + jerk magnet, there hasn't been a single one of this combination that i havn't attracted. Also the thing about marriage is i don't know if i am marriage material. I am a stubborn ass who'll never adjust. And most importantly my parent's not so gr8 marriage and my Oh so disgusting last relationship have together contributed to me being completely averse to relationships in general. Cud i be more confused?.......i don't think so. My head is spinning......
The basic question here is shud i listen to my heart here or my head ? Shud i stick to the societal norms or shud i just do wat i feel like ? My heart says hav faith u'll meet Mr. Right sooner or later, my head says that stupid heart has already caused u a lot of pain so just take the easy road here and just let your family find sum1 for u without wastin any more time. I don't really listen to my parents actually, never have and probably never will. They jus don't get me so i just wonder how can sum1 who barely knows me find the rite person for me. And most importantly wat about my dream of travellin around the world. I don't wanna be tied down to sum1 when i do that. I really hav no clue about wat i shud do next........
U know wat screw it i am jus gonna do wat i had planned b4 i met this stupid guy!!!!!
As per my calculations the rite time for me to meet sum1 wud be a year from now. But wat if i don't meet sum1. Then wat? I'd hav to go for an arranged marriage which i really don't want to. And by the time i decide to go for an arrange marriage i'd be too old for my community standards and then i'll have to settle for an old hag ( its bad enough that he'd be a sardar). So basically i am screwed. And guess wat i jus realised that i wasted bloody 6 six goddamn years on that full of shit ex boyfriend of mine and wat if the next one turns out like him as well or even worse. That wud be another 6 years down the drain . And i will be an old hag myself by then..............phew!!!!!!!!!!!
So basically the only way out here is to find sum1 NOW!!! But i don't wanna do that......so wat the heck am i supposed to do?????? I was jus talkin abt this whole thing with a friend of mine and she said i shud join sum club u know to meet new people but i am not that desperate so i am obviously not doin that. But u know wat that man fast that i have been on is officially over. GOD JUST HELP ME OUT HERE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't tell u how restless i have been thinkin about these crappy thots i barely slept last night. U know the worse part is that i am a loser + jerk magnet, there hasn't been a single one of this combination that i havn't attracted. Also the thing about marriage is i don't know if i am marriage material. I am a stubborn ass who'll never adjust. And most importantly my parent's not so gr8 marriage and my Oh so disgusting last relationship have together contributed to me being completely averse to relationships in general. Cud i be more confused?.......i don't think so. My head is spinning......
The basic question here is shud i listen to my heart here or my head ? Shud i stick to the societal norms or shud i just do wat i feel like ? My heart says hav faith u'll meet Mr. Right sooner or later, my head says that stupid heart has already caused u a lot of pain so just take the easy road here and just let your family find sum1 for u without wastin any more time. I don't really listen to my parents actually, never have and probably never will. They jus don't get me so i just wonder how can sum1 who barely knows me find the rite person for me. And most importantly wat about my dream of travellin around the world. I don't wanna be tied down to sum1 when i do that. I really hav no clue about wat i shud do next........
U know wat screw it i am jus gonna do wat i had planned b4 i met this stupid guy!!!!!
Friday, October 17, 2008
There's hole in my Soul.... and i don't know wat to do!!
I hav been feelin super lost lately. Sum how my life seems without any purpose. I know its just a phase but i just don't know wat i wanna do with my life anymore. And since my sis fell sick i hav becum super anti-social. My friends have to literally drag me to get out of the house to go out. And even when i do that i do it very half heartedly. All i need is a good book, sum good music and my Gudia's company and i am content. Thats how boring i hav becum. I think that i hav passed that phase in life where u wanna party, stay out all nite and get drunk with your friends. Sum how these things just don't seem fun any more. So basically i hav becum a super bore.. Stuff in college too doesn't feel challenging enough. For the 1st time in my 1 in a half years of MBA i didn't work on a project of mine. I thot for a change i'll let others do the slogging. See but the thing is the next day i felt sooooo bloody guilty about it and even though my group scored the highest i felt like loser. So i have realized that takin a bak seat is obviously not my cup of tea. I just feel lik nuthings exciting enough in my life any more. I miss traveling....its been almost 2 months and i haven't gone anywhere and i probably won't even be able b4 dec. I don't know why i am just not as big a fan of Mumbai anymore. I feel like i just don't wanna live here anymore. Since i hav cum bak from Seattle i feel like i wanna live in a more serene place where u feel like u wake up every morning in the lap of mother nature. Hell i found Ahmedabad more peacefull than Mumbai. Yesterday the cabi's and autowala's of Mumbai were on a strike and i know i shudn't be sayin this but the city seemed so much more peaceful and less cluttered man. See i had planned to travel once my MBA gets over but now i am just not sure if can leave my sis with my parents. And man that sux!!
This song by Nelly Furtado pretty much say wat i am feelin these days
I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away
I don’t know where my soul is,
I don’t know where my home is
Ok this part of this blog basically has certain confessions that i want to make.....
1. I think one of the worse things that i hav done in my life is not be a part of the festivities of one of my best friends weddin. I had just broken up then and i was so consumed with sadness about a stupid relationship that i failed to celebrate with her the relationship that will last her a lifetime. And even though i hav apologized to her and the amazin person that she is she never held it against me in the 1st place, the guilt of this stays on and probably always will.
2. I am one of the worse grandchilds on this planet. My grandmom has been ill for a long time now. Infact her health has detoriated so that much that she doesn't remember any1 or anything and her body size is literally 1/4th of wat it use to be. And i am a coward who just feels like cryin everytime i see her so i jus don't visit her anymore.
3. I had this basic rule in my head that never hit on sum1 when u know sum1 else likes that person. And i broke it. Never the less nuthin good came out of it. And how cud it cos u can never be happy if it means makin sum1 else sad at the expense of your happiness. I never got the chance of apologize to this person and i probably never will so i think i am takin this one to my grave.
4. Ignoring my baby is one of the worse things i hav ever done and i jus pray to god that i never do it again...
Recently i saw how people crack under pressure and how such situations can get the worse out of u. Its only in such situations that a person with a good soul stands out and the not so gr8 human beings show their true color. I just want myself to remember this - In this whole being a good human being thing don't let others take your good nature for granted. Be nice to those who are nice to u and be a bitch those who are just shit heads and deserve it!!! Cos in the end its better to say things one their face than to hold it within u and later regret not sayin wat u felt. Just remeber this-
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put ‘em in quotations
Say what you need to say !
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you only could . . .
Say what you need to say !
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say !
I went for this interview a couple of days bak ( the dude needed sum1 with a couple of yrs of experience i don't know he even called me) and the guy who was takin the interview asked me this cliche question - So do y hav any marriage plans? Wat the bloody heck, its only in India that people question a womens dedication towards her work. Seriously I just felt like smacking the guy. And even if i do hav marriage plans does that mean that i will start suckin at my job. You know wat its official i hate men. Period!!!
This song by Nelly Furtado pretty much say wat i am feelin these days
I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away
I don’t know where my soul is,
I don’t know where my home is
Ok this part of this blog basically has certain confessions that i want to make.....
1. I think one of the worse things that i hav done in my life is not be a part of the festivities of one of my best friends weddin. I had just broken up then and i was so consumed with sadness about a stupid relationship that i failed to celebrate with her the relationship that will last her a lifetime. And even though i hav apologized to her and the amazin person that she is she never held it against me in the 1st place, the guilt of this stays on and probably always will.
2. I am one of the worse grandchilds on this planet. My grandmom has been ill for a long time now. Infact her health has detoriated so that much that she doesn't remember any1 or anything and her body size is literally 1/4th of wat it use to be. And i am a coward who just feels like cryin everytime i see her so i jus don't visit her anymore.
3. I had this basic rule in my head that never hit on sum1 when u know sum1 else likes that person. And i broke it. Never the less nuthin good came out of it. And how cud it cos u can never be happy if it means makin sum1 else sad at the expense of your happiness. I never got the chance of apologize to this person and i probably never will so i think i am takin this one to my grave.
4. Ignoring my baby is one of the worse things i hav ever done and i jus pray to god that i never do it again...
Recently i saw how people crack under pressure and how such situations can get the worse out of u. Its only in such situations that a person with a good soul stands out and the not so gr8 human beings show their true color. I just want myself to remember this - In this whole being a good human being thing don't let others take your good nature for granted. Be nice to those who are nice to u and be a bitch those who are just shit heads and deserve it!!! Cos in the end its better to say things one their face than to hold it within u and later regret not sayin wat u felt. Just remeber this-
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put ‘em in quotations
Say what you need to say !
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you only could . . .
Say what you need to say !
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say !
I went for this interview a couple of days bak ( the dude needed sum1 with a couple of yrs of experience i don't know he even called me) and the guy who was takin the interview asked me this cliche question - So do y hav any marriage plans? Wat the bloody heck, its only in India that people question a womens dedication towards her work. Seriously I just felt like smacking the guy. And even if i do hav marriage plans does that mean that i will start suckin at my job. You know wat its official i hate men. Period!!!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
I am sick and tired.....
Two things hav happened bak to bak and they hav completely sucked the energy out of me. I just wanna hav one day where i am not worried about sumthing. I feel like i am fighting with people around me all the time. Fighting at home for my loved ones fighting in college to be heard...god knows when this will end. Not that i quit easily but sumtimes one just needs a break from all this. My college fest was a mess, it was completely mismanaged. And i realized that these festivals are fun only when are a mere spectator and not a part of the whole organizing shit. Hell i barely got to attend any of the fun stuff in the audi. My event went Ok. This time around i did sumthing i hav always wanted to do. U know how u always dream of doing sumthing and then when u finally get to it -its like i don't know the wat the big deal was about this whole thing. More than the dream itself it is the thrill u feel when u are on your way to get there thats exciting. Do i wanna do it again i don't know maybe but i am glad i did it alteast once. Also the whole dancing on stage thing -well i have had sum disastrous experiences in the past but this time it was a piece of cake. I think i was so busy i didn't hav the time to be nervous or anything at all. I just did my dance and then within mins was bak to my event. But thanx to this stupid fest i ended up ignoring sum1 who is far more important than any fest on this planet......my sis. I was so preoccupied in my own world i 4got to see how her health was deteriorating and finally we had to admit her in a hospital. I am not sure if i'll ever forgive myself for this. I hav always known this but sum how i just didn't wanna accept it....i jus assured myself that sooner or later my parents will cum around. I think after this incident i am sure that i am the only parent she's got. I just kept tellin myself that i am there for her emotionally and thats wat matters. I guess i didn't wanna take up the responsibility. But now i know that i hav to be her parent in every way possible, she is my responsibility. I think the worse thing for any parent on this planet is to see their child in pain .....and its even worse when u know that it happened cos u ignored your child. The guilt of this will stay with me for the rest of my life. She's bak home now and i don't wanna leave her side even for a second.
People in my family just keep fallin sick man. These last couple of months hav been horrible for my family healthwise. 1st it was my dad, my mom's always sick anyways and now my sis. And i am the one who has to pick up the pieces and look after every1. I wonder who the hell will take care of me if i fall sick. Seriously God there is no one so u better make sure that i don't. Sumtimes i just feel jealous that my brother is away from all this and i am left to do all the work. I cud seriously use sum help u know.
I had just gotten bak from Delhi ( had gone there for a weddin) and the blast happened. God when is this all gonna end. These things happen so regulary that people don't even react to them anymore. I hav been feelin a lil sick myself lately but i jus keep tellin my self - Get yourself together cos u hav no time to fall sick.
A couple of weeks bak i was gettin bak home from college i had just crossed the road to reach my place when i heard a scream. This women was crossing the road behind me and she was hit by a car so badly that she literally flew from one end of the road to the other. That bastard driver didn't even stop for a second and jus fled the scene. I think as a reflex i jus ran towards her and tried to get her on the footpath. People are so inhuman bloody no1 came forward 2 help. And if that was not enough when i took her to the hospital those asses refused to admit her. I felt so bloody helpless i can't tell u. Then these 2 guys appeared from no where and threated to complain about the hospital if they didn't admit her. The hospital took forever to help us and when they finally did they said that they'd jus give 1st aid so we shud call an ambulance and move her sumwhere else. It had gotten late and i didn't know anybody who cud help us. In the meanwhile the doctors told us that the lady might hav damaged her brain and broken her legs. One of the two guys got hold of sum1 who owned a hospital nearby through sum contact and we moved her. Trust me when i say this- this guy was truly an angel, If he wasn't there i am not sure wat wud hav happened. Anyways i came bak home and this guy called me up and asked me to cum to the hospital cos the police needed my statement. But it had gotten late so i told him i'd cum in the morning. It jus wasn't possible. I felt so guilty about not goin....seriouly am just ashamed. I just thot i am feelin so gulity abt this i hope the guy who's hit her atleast has half this guilt. How can u almost kill sum1 and not care. Anyways she didn't regain consciousness even the next day so we cudn't find her family. But then a miracle happened . Sum1 who had cum 2 see a patient on the next bed to hers recognized her. And called the family she was livin with. She was a maid in his family's house but this family turned out to be so amazin they kept here in the same hospital and paid for all her expenses and even her operation. If only there were more people like this in the world. She is doin much better now and i feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my chest. i think this single incident showed me how ruthless people can be and also that there are good people int this world. Needless to say i jus hope i don't hav to see a hospital for a long time now...
4/10/08
I bloody hell jinxed it the day after i wrote this blog my sis fell ill again and guess where we ended up in ........well u r rite the hospital. Ergggggg!!!
People in my family just keep fallin sick man. These last couple of months hav been horrible for my family healthwise. 1st it was my dad, my mom's always sick anyways and now my sis. And i am the one who has to pick up the pieces and look after every1. I wonder who the hell will take care of me if i fall sick. Seriously God there is no one so u better make sure that i don't. Sumtimes i just feel jealous that my brother is away from all this and i am left to do all the work. I cud seriously use sum help u know.
I had just gotten bak from Delhi ( had gone there for a weddin) and the blast happened. God when is this all gonna end. These things happen so regulary that people don't even react to them anymore. I hav been feelin a lil sick myself lately but i jus keep tellin my self - Get yourself together cos u hav no time to fall sick.
A couple of weeks bak i was gettin bak home from college i had just crossed the road to reach my place when i heard a scream. This women was crossing the road behind me and she was hit by a car so badly that she literally flew from one end of the road to the other. That bastard driver didn't even stop for a second and jus fled the scene. I think as a reflex i jus ran towards her and tried to get her on the footpath. People are so inhuman bloody no1 came forward 2 help. And if that was not enough when i took her to the hospital those asses refused to admit her. I felt so bloody helpless i can't tell u. Then these 2 guys appeared from no where and threated to complain about the hospital if they didn't admit her. The hospital took forever to help us and when they finally did they said that they'd jus give 1st aid so we shud call an ambulance and move her sumwhere else. It had gotten late and i didn't know anybody who cud help us. In the meanwhile the doctors told us that the lady might hav damaged her brain and broken her legs. One of the two guys got hold of sum1 who owned a hospital nearby through sum contact and we moved her. Trust me when i say this- this guy was truly an angel, If he wasn't there i am not sure wat wud hav happened. Anyways i came bak home and this guy called me up and asked me to cum to the hospital cos the police needed my statement. But it had gotten late so i told him i'd cum in the morning. It jus wasn't possible. I felt so guilty about not goin....seriouly am just ashamed. I just thot i am feelin so gulity abt this i hope the guy who's hit her atleast has half this guilt. How can u almost kill sum1 and not care. Anyways she didn't regain consciousness even the next day so we cudn't find her family. But then a miracle happened . Sum1 who had cum 2 see a patient on the next bed to hers recognized her. And called the family she was livin with. She was a maid in his family's house but this family turned out to be so amazin they kept here in the same hospital and paid for all her expenses and even her operation. If only there were more people like this in the world. She is doin much better now and i feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my chest. i think this single incident showed me how ruthless people can be and also that there are good people int this world. Needless to say i jus hope i don't hav to see a hospital for a long time now...
4/10/08
I bloody hell jinxed it the day after i wrote this blog my sis fell ill again and guess where we ended up in ........well u r rite the hospital. Ergggggg!!!
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