Lost no more;-)

Its weired but I am finding a part of me that i thot i had lost 4ever in the same place where i lost it..i don't know if this makes any sense. I think I have a sad soul. There's this part of me thats always gonna be sad and heart broken. But lately I have been feeling maybe -that part has begun to shrink. And a part of me is feeling so guilty about. I mean thats sounds so stupid, why would sum1 feel guilty about not being sad. It just makes no sense at all.......I purposely listen to songs that wud make me sad but the thing is they don't make me sad anymore. I know I am not in the best situation rite now but u know wat i am gonna make the best out of it. AND I WON'T QUIT. I have just started, so things are not goin the way i had planned . But wat the heck- Life's wat happens to u when ur busy makin plans (heard this sumwhere). I luv myself to the point of being narcissistic....but the one thing that i luv the most about myself is that I am super resilient I never give up that easily. So I am not gonna give up ...at least not rite now. So screw the world for trying to put me down!!!!

So I came bak from work today and found myself livin in Barbie's house. I don't know wat got into my Mom but she's turned my room into a pink bubble;-) Its been so long since I hav laughed or even smiled from within..I think I forgot how to be happy. And I don't mean the superficial happy....I mean the kinda happy that makes ur face glow. A couple of months bak when my friend Richa told me that- We are soo gonna miss these college days. I completely disagreed with her.....but u know wat I take that bak. Cos i do now. So when i get to go to college on Fridays after work I just get super enthu and excited. If only I cud turn bak time. And u know wat I hav realised that I did make friends. Even with my serious trust issues i had I manged to make sum good friends....

I just saw Delhi 6 today and I just wanna say that the movie sux Bigtime!! Other than Rehman's music nuthin in the movie is worth watchin. I saw this movie - He's just not that into you on Valentines day. And the place was filled with single women so Cheers to all the single women out there, cos we don't need a guy to celebrate Valentines day anymore. Now cumin bak to the movie-It was a complete chik flick (which is why I luved it) and had gr8 insights on how men think. So here are couple of things from the movie that I think I shud keep in mind -

1. You are not the exception you are the rule.....if u r wonderin wat this means I'll explain it with an example. Now if u hav met a guy who's been a typical Bad boy all is life and cheated on women but u think he's gonna change himself for me. We'll wake up women cos thats soo not gonna happen. If he didn't change all this time he's not gonna change now for u cos tumhare koi parr nahi lage hai aur na hi tum koi hoor pari ho..

2. If a guy acts like he doesn't give a crap about you he ACTUALLY doesn't give a crap about you. We women always try to over analyze things and justify why a man must have behaved like a Jack Ass. We cum up with various excuses in our head- he must have had bad day, he's just very temperamental, he's stressed because of work, blah blahh....We just don't wanna except it that the guy doesn't like us as much as we like him and maybe we shud just let it be.

3. Last but not the least- Never give up hope cos one day u will met that guy who'll make your toes curl

I know the last one sounds soooooooo corny and girly but then i am super corny and girly and i am not gonna deny it.

P.S- Lately I hav been attracting a lota weirdos, seriously man where the hell have the decent men disappeared, its been ages since my manfast got over .....

LOST!!! Part 2

I just don’t know where I belong. And I seriously hav no clue about wat I shud do with my life. I am just super confused rite now. I think that’s one of the reasons why I am so mad at myself. I am 24 I shud hav figured this out by now. Almost all my friends think that I am mad at them. But how do I tell them that its not them that I am mad at its ME. I think I am just avoiding them coz I don’t hav the balls to tell them that I failed, that things didn’t work out the way I had planned, that everythings gone for toss and I can’t really do anything about it. Cause there are certain things that I just can’t control. I am not really a planner but I made plans for a change. And NUTHING is happening like I had planned. This is all I had and trust me when I say I gave it my all. I know I am in a much better situation than most people around me. But this is not about comparing yourself to those who are not doin as well as u r. Its about trying and doing the best that u can. And if this the best that I can do then it sux bigtime…Why can’t we reach our destinations without any obstacles, isn’t there a shortcut or sumthing. I know I am meant 2 do better and bigger things in life. Don’t ask me how I just know. But rite now none of that is happening. There are sum people who just know wat they are meant to do…I think a part of me knows wat I wanna do too I just don’t know how to get there. The whole thing where u hav to do a lota stuff u don’t like before u finally get to do wat u luv sux. I don’t wanna do the whole stepping stones thingy why can’t I just get there directly.

I think i hav becum so emotionally independent that a part of me feels like i just don't need anybody any more. I think i fear getting emotionally attached and being hurt so much that i hav started to distance myself from people who care.

I hav just realized that I am so going to die alone. I am not kidding this is really serious. Leave alone liking a guy I can't even be nice to one. I think I have become a manhater- if that's even a word. Just the other day I told a guy that he's such a nag, its almost like he's a man trapped in a woman's body. That's not all sumtime bak this guys in my college came upto me and said " U r lookin really nice today" and my response to that was "I wish I cud say the same about u" . The worse part is I don't even hav to think, bein a bitch just cums from within . I don't even hav to try anymore. This year is so not turning out the way I had expected it to. I think have replayed the track Lost by Coldplay almost 10 times as I wrote this blog…