LOST!!! Part 2

I just don’t know where I belong. And I seriously hav no clue about wat I shud do with my life. I am just super confused rite now. I think that’s one of the reasons why I am so mad at myself. I am 24 I shud hav figured this out by now. Almost all my friends think that I am mad at them. But how do I tell them that its not them that I am mad at its ME. I think I am just avoiding them coz I don’t hav the balls to tell them that I failed, that things didn’t work out the way I had planned, that everythings gone for toss and I can’t really do anything about it. Cause there are certain things that I just can’t control. I am not really a planner but I made plans for a change. And NUTHING is happening like I had planned. This is all I had and trust me when I say I gave it my all. I know I am in a much better situation than most people around me. But this is not about comparing yourself to those who are not doin as well as u r. Its about trying and doing the best that u can. And if this the best that I can do then it sux bigtime…Why can’t we reach our destinations without any obstacles, isn’t there a shortcut or sumthing. I know I am meant 2 do better and bigger things in life. Don’t ask me how I just know. But rite now none of that is happening. There are sum people who just know wat they are meant to do…I think a part of me knows wat I wanna do too I just don’t know how to get there. The whole thing where u hav to do a lota stuff u don’t like before u finally get to do wat u luv sux. I don’t wanna do the whole stepping stones thingy why can’t I just get there directly.

I think i hav becum so emotionally independent that a part of me feels like i just don't need anybody any more. I think i fear getting emotionally attached and being hurt so much that i hav started to distance myself from people who care.

I hav just realized that I am so going to die alone. I am not kidding this is really serious. Leave alone liking a guy I can't even be nice to one. I think I have become a manhater- if that's even a word. Just the other day I told a guy that he's such a nag, its almost like he's a man trapped in a woman's body. That's not all sumtime bak this guys in my college came upto me and said " U r lookin really nice today" and my response to that was "I wish I cud say the same about u" . The worse part is I don't even hav to think, bein a bitch just cums from within . I don't even hav to try anymore. This year is so not turning out the way I had expected it to. I think have replayed the track Lost by Coldplay almost 10 times as I wrote this blog…