Sometimes its better to give up......

I jus finished readin The Kite Runner the other day. I think its one of the most depressin books i hav ever read. U hav no i dea how sad i felt at the end of this book. I am the kind of person who laughs out loud when i read sumthin funny and cry when i read sumthin sad. But i wasnt jus cryin when i was readin this book i was sobbing like sumbody had died or sumthing. No kidding. Infact my poor sis thot that maybe sumthin had happ that thats why i was so down. Ok now enough abt me. I think the book has been very well written, the author Khaled Hosseni doesnt waste time on unnecessary descriptions ( I u hav read Gone with the wind then u'll know wat i am talkin abt) and i luv that. Also one on reasons i decided to read this book was becuse after readin Shantaram i really wanted to know more abt Afghanistan. There is so much more to that contry than terrorism and its such a pity that the world doesn't know it. Their culture is kinda similar to our Indian culture. I think i wud luv to meet an afghan an get to know more abt the country. You get an idea about the spirit of the country thru the character of Amir 's baba (the main protagonist of the book). I think the part abt the book that made me really sad was not the war and the destruction it caused but the part where Hassan the adorable little boy gets raped and then years later his son is raped by the same man. For sumboby who like me jus luvs children that was too much to take. Also in a way the book's tryin to say that we all hav our demons and we hav to face them sooner or later so no point runin from them.

This is one of may fav parts of the book

He smiled. “Sit with me, Amir agha.”
I dropped next to him, lay on a thin patch of snow, wheezing. “You’re wasting our time. It was
going the other way, didn’t you see?”
Hassan popped a mulberry in his mouth. “It’s coming,” he said. I could hardly breathe and he
didn’t even sound tired.
“How do you know?” I said.
“I know.”
“How can you know?”
He turned to me. A few sweat beads rolled from his bald scalp. “Would I ever lie to you, Amir
agha?”
Suddenly I decided to toy with him a little. “I don’t know. Would you?”
“I’d sooner eat dirt,” he said with a look of indignation.
“Really? You’d do that?”
He threw me a puzzled look. “Do what?”
“Eat dirt if I told you to,” I said. I knew I was being cruel, like when I’d taunt him if he didn’t know
some big word. But there was something fascinating--albeit in a sick way--about teasing Hassan.
Kind of like when we used to play insect torture. Except now, he was the ant and I was holding the
magnifying glass.
His eyes searched my face for a long time. We sat there, two boys under a sour cherry tree,
suddenly looking, really looking, at each other. That’s when it happened again: Hassan’s face
changed. Maybe not _changed_, not really, but suddenly I had the feeling I was looking at two faces,
the one I knew, the one that was my first memory, and another, a second face, this one lurking just
beneath the surface. I’d seen it happen before--it always shook me up a little. It just appeared, this
other face, for a fraction of a moment, long enough to leave me with the unsettling feeling that maybe
I’d seen it someplace before. Then Hassan blinked and it was just him again. Just Hassan.
“If you asked, I would,” he finally said, looking right at me. I dropped my eyes. To this day, I find it
hard to gaze directly at people like Hassan, people who mean every word they say.
“But I wonder,” he added. “Would you ever ask me to do such a thing, Amir agha?” And, just like
that, he had thrown at me his own little test. If I was going to toy with him and challenge his loyalty,
then he’d toy with me, test my integrity.
I wished I hadn’t started this conversation. I forced a smile. “Don’t be stupid, Hassan. You know I
wouldn’t.”
Hassan returned the smile. Except his didn’t look forced. “I know,” he said. And that’s the thing
about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.


I think its so true that people who mean wat they say expect the same from others. I think i made the same mistake. Just because sombody says sumthin doesnt mean that they actually mean it. Many think its very naive to expect the same from people but i think its more about how pure your soul or your conscious is. Some people jus don't hav a clear conscious and for sum1 like me its very hard to believe that cos sumhow a part of me jus refuses to believe that a person can be that bad. And that part jus keeps hopin that there has to be sumthing nice in this person maybe i just havn't seen it yet. And that is the reason why i dont give up on people or relatioships that easily. But now i hav learned to ignore that voice within me cos its jus not worth putin yourself thru crap to find goodness in others...

Wat i really luved about afghans is the way they talk with so much luv and respect for the other person. This part where Rahim Khan Amir's beloved uncle writes him a letter tellin him to let go of the past is very beautifully written, i jus luv the language.

Amirjan, _Inshallah_, you have reached this letter safely. I pray that I have not put you in harm’s
way and that Afghanistan has not been too unkind to you. You have been in my prayers since the
day you left. You were right all those years to suspect that I knew. I did know. Hassan told me shortly
after it happened. What you did was wrong, Amir jan, but do not forget that you were a boy when it
happened. A troubled little boy. You were too hard on yourself then, and you still are--I saw it in your
eyes in Peshawar. But I hope you will heed this: A man who has no conscience, no goodness, does
not suffer. I hope your suffering comes to an end with this journey to Afghanistan.

It so true that maybe sum people jus hav no good within them.....but i person with a good conscious jus has a very hard time believing that.

His face twisted and strained to stay composed. “Father used to say it’s wrong to hurt even bad
people. Because they don’t know any better, and because bad people sometimes become good.”
“Not always, Sohrab.”
He looked at me questioningly.
“The man who hurt you, I knew him from many years ago,” I said. “I guess you figured that out that
from the conversation he and I had. He... he tried to hurt me once when I was your age, but your
father saved me. Your father was very brave and he was always rescuing me from trouble, standing
up for me. So one day the bad man hurt your father instead. He hurt him in a very bad way, and I... I
couldn’t save your father the way he had saved me.”
“Why did people want to hurt my father?” Sohrab said in a wheezy little voice. “He was never mean
to anyone.”
“You’re right. Your father was a good man. But that’s what I’m trying to tell you, Sohrab jan. That
there are bad people in this world, and sometimes bad people stay bad. Sometimes you have to
stand up to them. What you did to that man is what I should have done to him all those years ago.
You gave him what he deserved, and he deserved even more.”

Break Up Specialist...

Well if u r wonderin wats with the weird title thats the name given to me by friends. Lately i have been advisin people on how to work things out in their relationships ( ya like i know anythin abt workin things out in one!). I have even gone shoppin for the corniest stuff with one of my friends ( heart shaped cards, teddy bears, etc..) which by the way was excruciatingly painful. So anyways one of my friends was really down that the guy she was dating immediately started dating sum1 else after they broke up and this really sweet thing popped up in my head to make her fell better, so I told her maybe you luved him so much that he got use to the bein luved and thats y he went for the 1st person he came across who he felt will luv him. Maybe u got him addicted to luv!!!
Thats how conry i can be....lol. But at the end of the day she felt better so wat the heck!

Kuch is Tarah:-)

I absolutely luv this track by Atif Aslam, the 1st time I heard this track it gave me goose bumps......

Kuch is tarah … teri palakein,
Meri palkon se mila de

Aansoo tere … saare,
Meri palkon pe saja de

Kuch is tarah … teri palakein,
Meri palkon se mila de

Aansoo tere … saare,
Meri palkon pe saja de

Tu har ghadi … har waqt,

mere saath raha hai

Haan yeh jism … kabhi door,
kabhi paas raha hai

Jo bhi gam … hai yeh tere,
unhe tu mera pata de

Kuch is tarah … teri palakein,
Meri palkon se mila de

Aansoo tere … saare,
Meri palkon pe saja de

Mujhko to tere … chehare pe,
Yeh gham nahi janchta

Jayaaz nahi lagta,
mujhe gham se tera rishta

Sun meri guzarish ise chehar se hata de !!!!!!!!!
Sun meri guzarish ise chehar se hata de !!!!!!!!!

Kuch is tarah … teri palakein,
Meri palkon se mila de

Aansoo tere … saare,
Meri palkon pe saja de

Good things do happen to good people.......after all!!

Finally sumthing positive on this blog.....ehh. Well what can say, i guess i generally end up writtin when i am low or down or when i am feelin kinda silly.

Anyways sumthin gr8 has happened to this amazin human being i know and i am soooooooo happy for him. And this is his story...

This young boy just of 16 feel in love with a girl his age. Just fresh out of school both loved the freedom college gave them. The girl was the prettiest chick on campus and SHE was his girlfriend. But he wasn't like the rest of the guys his age, he really cared for the girl. At 16 he decided that he will marry her sumday. He tried to make her feel special in every possible way. For he thot nuthin he cud say or do wud be enough to show how much he luved he. Many other guys fancied the girl and tried to get her attention, there were times when she even got tempted. But nuthin changed how the boy felt for her. The boy worked hard in college and even took up a job cos he wanted to give his love the best of everythin when they got married. And so they continued to be together for amlost seven years..... thats when the girl walked out on him for another guy. Life sux na!! The boy was shattered, he cudnt believe wat had happened. Everyday he prayed that he'd wake and this nightmare wud be over. But thats not how life goes....i remember meetin him a year after his break up and it felt like his wounds were still fresh. I'll never forget wat he told me then, " If u ever meet her (the girl) please tell her that i forgive her for everything". I wish my heart was big as his.
Anyways life goes on, the boy decided to focus on his career. And got a job in a well known law firm (he's a lawyer). He gave up on love completely. I remember him tellin me, " I 'll jus get married to any girl mom likes now, i don't hav the heart to get into a relationship again". But things don't go as we always plan , do they. A couple of years later he fell in love again ( She was an old classmate who had a crush on him) and this time it was for keeps. She turned out to be one for him and jus a couple of days bak they got engaged!!!!!
As for the girl well her life's a mess rite now thanx to the other guy.

Moral of the story: Good things happen to good people, trust me. Also Karma can be a bitch and cum and bite u in the ass if u do sum1 wrong. SO DON'T!

I do believe in Karma very strongly and this has only reconfirmed my belief. I know that i hav been a good human being and that is the reason why god see's me through all the hard times. I really don't believe in the whole after life crap. If u hav done sum1 wrong then u'll pay for the same in this lifetime only. So people be good. Also in my friend's case he did fall in luv again, he did meet sum1 who cared for him perhaps more that he ever dreamt of. So maybe there is a possibility that people can fall in luv more than once. I hope this story gives hope to all my heart broken friends. I believe in life too there are always happy endings we just hav to hav an open mind.

P.S- Things turned out pretty good the other days, turns out i was scared for nuthin. Ya and the exhuastion has becum a way of life now, so it doesn't bother me anymore.......lol!

I need a break!!!

I was obviously not thinkin straight when i thot that i was gonna get time to relax after my exams. Its been a week since my exams got over aur break ka B bhi nahi mila hai. I am completely exhausted rite now. And i really need a break. I can barely stand now. I jus wanna sleep for 2-3 days and not get up from my bed. I hav taken sum huge risks and i hope they pay off. Please god if u r listening.....
Also this damn weather has made me twice as irritable. I completely despise the summers this year. Lately i havnt gotten any me time. I jus wanna spend sum time by myself doin stuff i like. Hav bought so many books over the last couple of months hopin ill get time to read it. But obviously thats not hapenin. Its been a month since i last met my best friend. I know i am complainin way too much but wat the heck this my blog an ill do as i wish!

I saw Khuda Kay Liye and must say its one of the best movies i hav seen in the recent times. It's a must watch kinda movie so ppl pls go and see it. Ya by the way the old romantic me is bak and i am bak to the whole thats so sweet thing finally. Don't know wat changed things, maybe i hav been hangin out with too many couples lately. I am lil scared i hope things go well tomm. Wish me luck!!

I'll get thru this one as well.....

I am jus feelin really low rite now, i feel like cryin my eyes out. I know i can get thru this infact i am sure i will but rite now i am feelin like crap. You know that feelin like sum1 u luved has died thats how i am feelin. I know i hav to face my own demons cos they are mine and only mine. Somthing inside me is jus broken and no matter how hard i try to mend it, it jus keeps breakin over and over again. And each time the pieces are smaller and harder to join. I know this is the last straw. God jus give me the strength to get thru this pls...
There's so much i wanna do in life and i need to get past this to be able to be the person i wanna be.

Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!!!!!

Free at last!!!!!! it seemed like my exams were never going 2 get over this time. Now that exams are over gonna be more regular with my blogs. Cos i am gonna be doin pretty much nuthin at all in the next 2 months. Honestly when i started this blog i didnt think i was gonna write much cos i wasn't sure i wud wanna share my thots with ppl i didnt even know. But now i feel like its one of the best ways of self expression.

Its funny how all my gr8 self revelations happen during my exams. Maybe cos i wanna think about eveythin but my studies. I think i hav let myself down this time. I didnt really work as hard i cud hav. And that sux because i luv wat i am studin now and there no excuse for not givin my best. So I promise next time i am gonna work twice as hard. And i am gonna be more regular. Only after u hav studied sumthin u hated do u realize the value of studin sumthin u enjoy.

There so much i wanna write i dont know where to start from. WARNING: this blog is gonna be really long..

I wanna start by thanking god for everythin he has givin me. Its only now i hav realised how lucky i am to be livin the life that i am livin. There are so many things that i am thankful for that i thot why not list them down..

1. I am really thankful for my health, I hav 2 legs & 2 hands which are perfectly fine. And other than a few allergies and skin problems i am pretty much in good health. I think its very important to appreciate all these things cos there are many ppl out there who can't say the same.

2. I am thankful for my family. My darlin bro and sis, i can't even imagine my life without them. My Mom and Dad 2. Now lets face it they are not the best parents in the world. But they aren't the worse either.

3. I am thankful for the home that i live in. I got almost homeless once and trust me its the worse feelin in the world. One of the reasons i really appriciate my Dad now is cos i know he has worked hard to provide for his family. For sum1 who didnt even hav enough money to eat when he came to Mumbai to bein able to buy a whole building he has cum a long way.

4. I am thankful for my amazin friends- Neha, Suhani, Shaista, Nisha, and even those whom i am not mentioning here rite now. U guys are amazin and i hav learned so much from each of u.
These are friends i can call in the middle of the nite and i know that they'll be there for me.

5. I am also thankfull to God for friends like Shaminder, Puneet, amd Hardeep. Thanx to them i still believe that there are good men out there. (Two of them are single so if any1's interested pls let me know)

6. I am thankful for my education.We are so lucky to get the chance to study. There was a time i was studin sumthin i didnt even like. But now that i think of it alteast i learned sumthin rite. So i am thankful for it all.

7. I am thankful for the trust that my parents hav in me now. These things take time but its a nice feelin to know that your parents trust u and know that u'll be resposibile

8. I am extremely thankful to god for my amazin trip 2 Goa. I'll remember it forever. Can't wait 2 go bak now.

9. I am also thankful for all those nite outs even the ones where i got completely sloshed (Good Times!!)

10. I am surprisingly also thankful for my not so gr8 last relationship. Cos i have learned a lota important lessons thanks to it. The good moments i'll cherish 4ever and the bad ones made me realize how strong i am as a person( I can give superwomen a run for her money...lol!)

11. (14/5/08 ) Ok I 4got a very important one i hav been financially independent for abt 2 years now (didnt wanna be a burden on my parents any more) and by gods grace things hav worked out so and hopefully will continue to do so.


So i think this is pretty much it for now, as far is my list is concerned....

Lately a lot of amazin guys hav been hitin on me. I am not complainin or anything. In fact i am flattered. These guys are so nice that i am even tempted a little to get to know them better. BUT, yes there's always a but rite. One of my reasons for not been interested in the guys that hav liked me has always been that he's too nice. Ya can u believe it, i mean how dumb is that. For sum reason i am not really attracted to very nice guys. I think i like guys who are mysterious or hav a lil grey side to them . No wonder i end up with losers. Cos instead of havin a lil grey side they turn out completely grey ( pls note the word grey is being used as a metaphor for not so gr8 human beings). Ya but this is not the reason y i am not interested in these guys. I dont wanna get tied down to any1 now. I like the freedom that being single gives, infact i thrive on it. I get so attached to the other person and so involved in the whole relationship thing i 4get my own dreams and aspirations. And now that i hav rediscovered them i don't wanna let them go. Atleast not till i am on my way to being the person that i strive to be. The process has begun but i still hav a long way 2 go. I wanna see the world, I really do. Maybe i hav been watchin too much Discovery travel and living, i dont know. But i really wanna explore the world, experience different cultures and try out different cuisines( yes food is the reason i do everything). And i cant wait 2 get started...In the meanwhile i am gonna practice the art of flirting. I am gettin pretty good at it by the way. I flirted beyond my own expectations in Goa...

Ok thats it for now, not that i hav run out of stuff to write i'll jus save it for next time.