LOST!!!

I believe that there are two kinds of luv that we experience in our lives. The first one is the luv that we hav 4 people around us and the 2nd one is the luv for wat we do. But every1 isn't fortunate enough to to get both in a single lifetime And if sum1 does well then he's a lucky bastard!! I have been in place in my life where i hated what i was doin so luv for wat i do is very very important for me. Infact rite now i think thats the only luv that i hav in my life and trust me when i say this I am so grateful for it. I think when u luv and enjoy wat u do then the passion that u feel is jus amazin. I mean u cud be workin your ass of but it won't like it at all. I think thats the key - it shudn't feel like work at all. Now cums the sad part...my colls not goin that well. The next sem has just started and its gonna take sum time as usual to gain momentum. But I am just super bored of not doin anything. Plus the subjects that i hav this sem are kinda ridiculous. I don't wanna study EVS, i mean hav't we done that in school already. So anyways with not much happenin in coll i pretty much hav nuthin to do and my life just feels empty. I mean this is all i hav got. Its not like i hav a personal life anymore. The man fast has been over for a while now and i can't even get myself to hav a crush. Seriously i can't even remember the last time i had one. Maybe i hav just past that age when u hav those stupid crushes. But still sumthing wud be nice its like the opposite sex just repels me. I think the idiom " Once bitten twice shy " is just so apt in my case.

This song by Coldplay describes my state of mind better than i even i cud hav-

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one
And you'll be lost

Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing starts
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

Me & my GOD

I reallllllllly wanted to start this year on a positive note cos honestly last year was amazin. But thats so not happenin. But i can surely try to make sure that the 1st blog of 2009 starts on a positive note.
I wanna start start off by thankin god for everything thats he's given me. We all hav our own relationships with God. Sum believe in him cos they hav been taught to, other worship him when they want sumthing from him and then there are those who pray when thy need his help. My relationship with God is based on gratitude. When u see really tough times in your life, u just don't know how u r gonna get thru it. But then sum how u find the strength which u never knew existed within u to over come it all. I think at the end of it all u just wanna thank sum1 for givin u that strength and for me that sum1 is GOD. The other day i was goin sum where and i was trying to find a rick below my house. And i was as usual grumbling about sumthing in my head when i saw this man on a bicycle. He was one of those guys who sharpen knifes for a living. And i just wondered how much money must this man be making everyday. I am sure it must be less than wat we spend travelling in rickshaw's everyday. Thats when i asked myself wat the heck am i grumbling for. It feels so stupid when we fuss about such silly thing in life when people around u are not sure if they'll make enough money to feed their families.

Ok now enough with the preaching and bak to grumbling....my life so sux rite now. Thanx to the recession i think i am getting into depression. I just can't findin anything positive in the newspaper these days. Infact i hate reading the paper these days. I hav taken sum decisions and i don't know how they r gonna affect me and my future. Going bak to a place where u hav made sum fond memories is kinda weird cos i think sum where i am scared that i'll probably screw it up. Also people change and i hav changed, so u just don't know wat to expect. But i have a strong need to prove myself this time. I just don't hav a personal life anymore. It just doesn't exist. Also i am just really pissed at these friends of mine. I just don't get the two of them. One is in luv with the other. There hav been times when they can't stand each other and then there are time when they are inseparable. And every time they hav a fall out i am the one who has pick up the pieces. I am just sick and tired of it all. Either u like the person or you don't and if its the latter then just give him the time to get over u, period. I am just irritated and hav been avoiding the two of them. Watever its just not my problem anymore, sort it out yourselves and if u can't then too bad. There are just so many other important things in my life rite now that i just can't waste my time over this childish infatuation anymore.

Have u ever wondered wat makes us like or dislike a person ? I mean why do we end up defining sum1 as a good person or a bad person? Are people really good or bad? If sum1's nice 2 us we think he or she is a good person but if sum1 is mean to us then we think he or she is bad. Basically our perception of a person completely depends upon our interaction with that person. Suppose if sum1 steals from u to feed his family, then to u he's a Chor but to his kids he's the father who'd do anything for their well being. Isn't it weird how people can hav such different opinions of the same person?So are people really good or bad? Honestly i dont know. I think i am a good person if i am nice to most people around me and if do end up doing sum1 wrong then i feel guilty about it. Basically good people or not so bad ones hav a conscious. And the others well i am not so sure....

I am havin the worse PMS of my life. I hav becum super cranky, i think i'll cry if sum1 just gives me a mean look. Seriously the stupidest things are making me cry these days. Anyways thats it for now see ya later....