Trying to figure out this life...........

I don't know y but i think i am jus pushin people away from me. All those who care are jus driftin away. And i know i am the one to be blamed. Sometimes i jus don't know who this person is in my body so unlike who i really am. The thing is i can't figure out wat i am doin wrong. I guess i jus take things too seriously. I wish i was more easy going.

For a very longtime now i have been blaming the past for what i hav becum today, but i think its high time i take responsibility for my actions. So where i do start?

I really miss being the trusting person that i was once upon a time. I sux being this person who now doubts every1's intentions. I feel like i hav build this wall which is like a fortress around my heart. And no1's allowed to enter, infact those who lived here hav been thrown out. All this jus to make sure i don't get hurt again. No ones even given the benefit of doubt. No emotional attachment or dependence on any1.They say time heals everything...but i am still waiting. And i don't see any signs of that happening in the near future. If only there was a way to erase the past from my mind.

I think the most valuable thing that we have is our innocence and once u loose it there's no way of getting it back. Its time to change......i don't know how, but it time. I read this sumwhere " What you are today will help you become what you wish to be tomorrow".

I just really need to figure things out & make them right b4 everybody who cares ends up hating me. The million dollar question is, how?

Romance is Dead!!!!

I have seen two romantic movies in the last 2 days, back to back. I am not really a move buff as such it was more out of boredom. The 1st one 'Enchanted' was more of a kiddy movie with a touch of romance an the 2nd one ' Jhoda Akbar' was well 4 hours long. And after watchin these 2 movies i've realized that i just cannot appriciate romantic movies any more. I swear had i seen these movies like a year bak i am sure wud hav been all- ohhhhhh how sweet!! but not anymore. As far as i am concerned romance is dead....Maybe after being in a relationship that didn't work out a part of me just feels like all those ' oh so sweet ' moments just happen in movies. I was the reason all those chik flicks worked and all of a sudden i don't understand i can't stand them now, its like i am not myself anymore.

Lately i have jus not felt like talkin 2 my friends, i feel like i can be on my own. Like i jus don't need them anymore. I remember long time bak this person i knew told me that - We don't really belong to anybody, we all came alone on this planet and eventually we'll die alone, we cannot share this journey with any1. Well at that point of time i thought wat a sad way of lookin at life, but now a part of me kinda agrees with it. I took this trip with my friends last month and after that trip i kinda realized how different we have all grown to be now. These are friends i've literally grow up with. This trip made me realize that there's a possibility that we might not even like the person that the other person has become. I always thought that its Ok if we don't hav anything in common as long as we care for each other but i guess i was wrong. Generally trips with your pals gets people closer but in this case it just feels the opposite.
Maybe its just a phase, i don't know...........