An illusion Of Luv

Today i saw Rab ne bana di jodi and it just reminded me of the old me. You know the one who was dreamy eyed, believed almost anything u told her, a romantic to the core and loved like there was no tomorrow. I miss her sumtimes......cos the new me is just too practical and thinks romance exists only in books & movies and i might as well add bitchy & selfish. I think the old me had to go cos she was just too naive, she wudn't hav been able to survive in the world that we live in today. I don't know why but the movie just got me in a mood reminiscing about the past. I was just thinkin , i think i was the happiest when i believed i was in love and there was no relationship at all. There was this feeling of unconditional love and honestly no expectations watsoever. And yet i felt so content within. That was a nice feelin. It was actuallly better than goin around I don't know why i ever did that in the first place. The dude didn't even like me (luv to dur ki baat hai). Sumtimes i felt like he cudn't even stand me. I guess he just wanted a girlfriend and i was there so he must hav thot might as well. I don't understand why do guys do this? If u know that the person is not the one then why waste her time. Let that person move forward why hold her bak. I mean guys hav no issues but girls hav a lota other stuff goin on u know ( family pressure to get married, biological clock,etc.). Honestly everythin is forgivable but wat about the time that is lost? No matter wat u can't get the time u've lost bak ever.

I wrote this blog sumtime bak about three types of love and as i wrote it i wondered wat was it in my case. And as usual i ended up figuring out the answer in my sleep. It turns out it was none cos the person that i was in luv with just existed in my head. You know how we hav this image of the person we'd wanna be with in our head. I think i just ended up projecting that image of the person in my head on the first guy i got close to. When i think of it everything good about the relationship had just existed in my head. He was never that person and he never really changed either. I think as time passed i just started seeing him for wat he actually was and he was nuthin like the person in my head. No wonder i was so confused throughout the whole relationship. But i did try to love the real him, i really did. I guess it just didn't happen. So basically it was just an illusion of luv. I think when we are young we so desperately wanna fall in luv that we end up goin for the first person that cums along without even knowing them well enough.
I heard this sumwhere that luv is always stupid and u end up doin the stupidest things in love no matter at wat age it happens......i know i am contradicting myself but sumtimes u just don't know wat to believe.