I can't tell u how bored I am rite now. I think i am just loosing my mind. Just 2 days bak i was thinkin man do i luv my life or wat! And now i just can't wait to get busy again. Can't believe how fast things change.The job hunt is still going on...i just can't seem to find sumthing i like. When i wasn't lookin the offers were pourin in and now that i am all those crappy steno types ( No offense to any1 ) are all that I am gettin. Also out of sheer laziness I havn't even gone to the library to get sum new books to read. I finsihed Jhumpa Lahiri's Unaccustomed Earth sum time bak and i luved it. My fav one among the short stories were Only Goodness and Hema & Kaushik. I can't figure out i why none of her stories hav a happy endin. Infact lately none of the books that i hav read seem to hav a happy ending. Its almost as if people hav a thing against them. I mean i get it that u wanna be as close to reality as possible and if truth be told there are no happy endings in real life. But cum on..its a book for cryin out loud there's a reason why its called fiction cause its not real...
I feel like i am trapped here sumtimes. The world's just waitin to be discovered and I am wasting my time sittin on my butt. But then where is the money to do that u know....Now this is going to sound weird but lately all the guys i meet sum how remind me of my brother. I can't explain it but they just do. I don't know maybe its cos i miss Karan so much. U know stuff like thats my brothers fav brand or his fav cricketer. My sister's just gettin on my nerves now that i am spending way too much time at home. Hav u ever wondered wats the deal with how we are supposed to be according to society. According to our so called society we should get married at a suitable age and have children and its only then that u hav had a happy life. But wat if i don't want that. Does that mean that i am not happy or not content with my life. But then is it just society or is it my own head that keeps tellin me that this wat you should want from life. Why do we hav all these rules as to how our lives should or shouldn't be like. According to people around me I should find a suitable boy and settle down. But wat if i don't want that from life. Besides wats the whole deal with settling down. I don't think i ever want to settle down. If that means giving up on your own dreams and fulfilling your so called worldly obligations. I think my only obligation to this world is to live the best life that i can and be the best possible person i can be. Sumtimes i do wish that if only i wanted the same things things for myself as my parents do for me then life wud be so much easier and they'd be so much happier. But i don't wanna lie to myself - and deep down i know that i don't atleast not rite now. Maybe its just the rebel in me which refuses to listen to others. Haven't quite figured that out yet.
So who's the new guy in your life? - well thats the question almost every1 who knew me when i was datin my ex has asked me when i bumped into them after the break up (which was like ages bak) and they still do. And i just find it completely derogatory. Why do i have have a guy in my life. So just because i dated sumbody who's always datin sum1 or another does it mean that I am like that was well. I mean is that the kinda impression people got of me bak then......of sumbody who always needs to be in sum relationship. (The last time sum1 asked me this question i got so pissed off i gave the guy a piece of my mind. And he was lucky that he met me online or else i wud hav chewed his head off .) If that is the case then its pathetic cos there is so much more to me than that. And sumwhere i am to be blamed cos i hav always been a very closed person. But still u can't define people by their relationships.....and if u do then that person must have a really sad existence. I don't ever want to be known as sum1's girlfriend or wife or anything for that matter. I want people to me for ME not cos of sum1 else. I just pray to God that i always maintain my own individuality and don't loose myself ever again. There's so much more to and i'd rather be known for stuff like- sum1 who likes photography, sum1 likes to travel, sum1 who like food, sum1 who's obsessed with pink, etc... etc.. But never in my life do i want a relationship to define who i am.
One of my biggest regrets in life is that i din't go to a good B-school. Ya i know that whole u shudn't have any regrets in life crap but cum on who are we all kiddin sum where we all do. But seriously not just for the good placements but just to be around people who inspire u and help u be the best u can be. Not like i don't give my best now but i know for sure that it wud hav made a huge difference. There cums a time in our lives where we choose one option over the other and then when we look bak we always wonder how things wud hav been had we taken the other road. I do hav sum of those " wat ifs" in my life as well and sum times i do wonder how different my life wud hav been had i chosen the other road.
1. After my 12th i decided to take Arts and din't tell my parents. But i was such a wuss i ended up taking pharmacy cos i didn't wanna tell my parents. And i can't tell u how often i wonder how different things wud hav been had i just gone and told my parents about wat i really wanted to study.
2. There was a time when i packed my bags and moved to the US. But things didn't go as planned and we had to cum bak. My parents didn't really know wat to do then so i had to take a call and i obviously choose to cum bak. But i do sumtimes try to imagine how my life wud hav been had i chosen to stay bak.
3. This guy who i hav known since i was a fat kid in school met me like a year bak and confessed that he's had a thing for me ever since. I kinda knew bak then but i was kinda shocked to find out that he felt the same way even now. I almost had rebound with him but then i think sumthing inside me just told me that i was makin the same mistake again and i distanced myself from the whole situation. I don't really regret this one but i do wonder how things wud hav been.....
.Guess i'll never know how my life wud hav turned out had chosen a different path......
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