The Drama Queen

So rite now I am doin the whole single gal in New York thing. I always wanted to do this........but the things is now that I am doin it, it just doesn't seem that big a deal anymore. I cud write a god damn book abt the number of fears I hav managed to conquer in the last couple of months. But there is still one that haunts me day in and day out and I am not sure if I'll be able to conquer this one at all.....
If there's one thing that I have learnt from this entire experience, it is that - the things that we are the most afraid of doing are the things that make us the happiest :)

Yes I am super poor rite now and yes I don't know if i'll be able to pay next month's rent but still there is a certain level of calmness that I been able to attain and I can't describe how. Inspite of everythin I luv my life rite now and I wudn't trade it for anything. I have also realised that when u try too hard things never work out whether its a relationship or ur career. Sumtimes in life u just have to let things be......
I am completely clueless abt my future rite now but I think thats the reason I came here, I like not knowin wats gonna happen next. I refuse to lead my life like every other person I know is leadin and I hate it when things are sooo predictable. Also I luv to prove people wrong, every1 who knew me when I was around 18 said Oh u'd be married with a kid by the time ur 25. So to all those people ......HAHA. I know I need to grow up but the point is proved them wrong......lol!!!

U know wat I don't get? People frown at u when u get married in ur early 20's cos well ur way too young and immature and then they frown at u if ur not married by ur mid twenties cos ur gettin old and ur still not married. I mean wat is their problem....wat is the god damn perfect age to get married according to these people? I am feelin way too much peer pressure these days. Well all this talk abt age is cos I recently turned 25.....yippeee!!! and I had and awesome 25th Bday thanx to my roomates.....I will always be grateful to them and this is a bday that I will remember for the rest of my life......But I have to admit I spent the first one hour of my Bday cryin like a baby over the phone and talkin to my sister cos I had a bad interview the day b4 and also cos well I turned 2 5 which is a super big deal. In my sisters words I was behaving like Joe from Friends did when he turned 30 (NO I havn't been watchin too much Friends lately infact havn't seen it in ages). But honestly I cudn't help it. Wat if I am gonna die at 50 that means I hav already lead half of my life :( .....ya ok fine I am a drama queen get over it!! I accepted it long time bak that I am a girlie girl, I like flowers, I like celebrating Valentines days and Anniversaries, I like being told I am pretty, I DO NOT LIKE GETTING OLDER and I LUV PINK. So sue me;-)

My darling Mona got married this Sunday and I can't tell u how sad I am about not being there to witness the happiest day of her life. I spent the entire day yesterday watchin weddin videos of random people on Youtube .......needless to say I imagined her as the bride in all of them. This is the part I hate the most about being away from home.....when ur not there for ur loved ones, it sux BIGTIME :(
I heard this poem today and it describes aptly wat I feel for my darling Monz with whom I hav shared every little thing since I can even remember, who taught me the 1st poem I ever learned, whose clothes I borrowed all the time and never returned , who dressed me up for my 1st day of college and who held my hand through my worse times...Luv U Monz

I carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)