So I was planning to write a blog this mornin for a completely different reason (cos I was bored)but never in my wildest dreams did I think I wud get so obsessed with vanity that I’d end up writin a blog on it.
As a child I was never really pretty. But honestly I didn’t really care. By the time I reached eleven I was overweight (thanks to my genes if I may add) and honestly didn’t really care then either. I grew up in joint family with loads of cousins who tortured me with fat names. I think I kinda accepted the whole thing and never even bothered to retaliate. Cos even thought I was fat I cud run super fast and play with them. I hav to add here that man kids can be mean and when I look bak now I kinda feel bad for the poor lil fat girl. When I turned 14 I had my first crush. He was super cute and had dimples.
I wasn’t really forward to think that I should date him. All I really wanted was for him to notice me. So I decided to loose weight and went on the worse diet possible. Within 2 months I was half my size. He didn’t notice me, so I continued. By the time I was 16 I was anorexic skinny. Thanks to the stupid diet I lost a lota hair, developed loads of infection and even skin problems. So I stopped!! I think even though I lost the weight in my head I hav always been a fat girl. And even today when I look in the mirror I see her.
My parents decided to put me on a house arrest me when I was in 12th cos they didn’t think I was studin enough. Thanks to the house arrest I kinda went into depression and the weight was back again. So after my exams got over I decided to loose the weight but this time by goin to the gym. The thing is I kinda liked workin out so I spent way 2 much time in the gym and within a couple of months started lookin anorexic again. So I had to do away with the gyming. But then I had one of those boyfriends who played on m my insecurities. He kept tellin me I wasn’t thin enough (His exact word were ur ass is not in proportion with ur body). And I was 6 kgs lighter back then. I never really felt like I was good enough for him so the struggle with my weight continued. I think the fact that I wasn’t comfortable in my own body made things worse.
It took me a break up and a lot of internal work in my head to finally get comfortable with my body and the way I look. To be honest I didn’t really care any more just like when I was a kid. Cos sum where I realized that there more to me than the way I look.
I have to confess though that since I have turned 24, I started feelin old not mentally but physically I have. And the whole ageing gracefully thing is obviously not happenin……
A couple of months back I started getting some dark patches on my face I figured it had sumthing to do with the sun so I started wearing loads of un block. It didn’t really help. I saw couple of doctors too cos the things on my face u know. Anyways this afternoon I went to one who was highly recommended. But I think she kinda hijacked me. Apparently this thing is cos of the way I sleep. I don’t hav enough flesh on my temples so when I sleep side ways the capillaries on my face get squashed. After lookin at the thing she immediately started applying sum acid like stuff on my face and I can’t tell u how much it burned. And then she got sum machine which sucked my dead skin which was agonizingly painfull. Mind u this all happened during my lunch break from work. Imagine going to work with the skin on ur face peelin of…………….ewww. And did I mention how much it burned. I don’t know maybe I have no resistance to pain. Honestly I never thot I wud ever be vane enough to go for such stuff and now its hurtin like crazy and I just want to undo the whole thing. Also the bloody thing was super expensive man. I never thot I wud ever be so vane. Honestly I am not, I just want 2 look the way I did, its not like I want to look better or anything. I have spent my entire 1st pay cheque on doctors I didn’t even get to enjoy it;-(
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